KP4
by marymatthews
Summary: An American-ish version of Boys Over Flowers
1. Chapter 1

KP4

(An American-ish version of _Boys Over Flowers_ )

Chapter 1

Everyone has that decisive moment in life – the moment when life divides cleanly into "before" and "after." For me, it was the moment my foot came into contact with Joon Shinwha's head with a perfect THWOMP. I remember the shocked look on his face as he staggered backward, and the feeling of utter satisfaction as my feet returned to the floor. I thought that moment was finally the end, but luckily for me it was just the beginning.

Of course the real beginning was before that, when I moved into Shinwha Girls' Dormitory the fall of my sophomore year of college. Or maybe I should go back even further, when a heartbroken girl in Korea (I like to think she was heartbroken, anyway) decided to place her baby girl for adoption. My birth mother named me "Jandi," which means grass. Don't think I haven't puzzled over that a time or two. Who names their kid "Grass," and why? Did she like grass, or hate it? Did they ask her for a name and she just said the first thing that came to mind?

I came to the United States with my parents at the age of six months and became Jandi James. I grew up just outside Tulsa, Oklahoma, living a perfectly normal American life with my little brother, Sam, except for the fact that Sam and I were some of the only Asians in our school and neighborhood. My mom stayed home with us, serving as homeroom mom, taekwondo/swim team cheerleader, and a glorified bus driver in the form of our family minivan. My dad was an attorney, working at a big firm in downtown Tulsa. He was also an avid cheerleader of everything Jandi and Sam, never missing a teacher conference or a sports tournament. Yes, I wondered about my biological parents and what it might have been like to grow up in South Korea instead of the States. And I definitely struggled at times. Adoptions begin with a massive loss, and no matter how much I loved my parents or my life in America, the loss and the grief were still there.

When I graduated from high school, I wasn't quite ready to leave home and my parents definitely weren't ready to see me go. So I completed my freshman year at a community college where I knew a few people and I could still live at home. After a year, though, I was impatient for some independence, and I decided I wanted to blend in a little. I chose Highland University, known for its ties to Korea and a large Asian student population. My best friend, Lauren Armstrong, decided to go there as well, and the Shinwha Student Athlete swim scholarship sealed the deal.

Highland was a six-hour drive from home. Lauren and I could visit for a weekend, but not conveniently. I loved that Highland had a beautiful campus, set high on a hill with a gorgeous view of the surrounding countryside. Its beautiful old buildings were built in the 1800s; some of them were even on the National Historic Register. Of course, Highland also boasted a strong academic side as well. I was planning to major in social work, and I was looking forward to taking classes in my major instead of just a general course load.

Move-in day dawned bright and clear. I was nervous, of course, but also excited. We unloaded and schlepped and organized and decorated. Lauren's side of the room was a pink, ruffled girl heaven. I had simpler tastes, preferring clean lines and sparse decorations. We kissed and hugged our parents as they all stifled tears; I grabbed Sam in one last headlock and gave him a smack on the cheek. Then they were gone, and Lauren and I were truly on our own.

We were enjoying our new digs when someone knocked on our door. I opened the door, and three life-size Barbie dolls marched in.

The first one said, "Hi! I'm Molli, with an "i." This is Jillian and Bella. We're juniors. We're right across the hall if you need anything." Then she looked me up and down and said "Where are you from? Are you a friend of the KP4?"

I generally try to be polite and give people the benefit of the doubt, but having been asked roughly a million times where I'm from, it gets a little old. The underlying assumption seems to be that an Asian person can't possibly be American.

But I forced a smile and responded "Tulsa, Oklahoma. Who's the KP4?"

She cocked her head like I was a little bit slow and sounded out "Ok-la-ho-ma? No, like where are you _from_? Originally?"

I was rapidly losing patience, but with gritted teeth responded, "I grew up in Oklahoma."

About that time Jillian, who was wandering around the room, noticed a family picture I had hung over my desk and butted in with "Oh, you're adopted!"

Molli rolled her eyes dramatically and said, "Why didn't you say so? Where were you born?"

I folded my arms on my chest and started to give a sharp retort when Lauren interjected with "South Korea."

Molli shrieked and clapped her hands. "And you came to Highland not knowing about the KP4?!" She laughed like that was the funniest thing she'd ever heard, and they all left as she tossed a cheery "Later, girls!" over her shoulders.

I closed the door and looked at Lauren. Lauren rolled her eyes and said "That never gets old." Then she stuck a hand on her hip just like Molli and in her best Valley Girl accent said "Where are you _from_? No _really_?"

That's Lauren for you. You might think if you saw her soft blonde curls, paper white skin, and carefully tailored outfits that she is just a dumb blonde. You would be dead wrong. Lauren isn't book smart, necessarily, but she can read people and situations with precision, and she knows just how to diffuse tension. That's the other thing about Lauren – she's never stressed and I've never once seen her lose her temper. She just accepts things without worry or fear. I sometimes joke with her that if she was pushed out of an airplane without a parachute she would calmly enjoy the view and the wind blowing through her hair. Her response: "It would be a good view."

We were ready to get out of our room for a bit, so I suggested we go for a walk on campus. Lauren knew exactly what I meant.

"You want to walk to the pond, right?"

She knew I loved being around water. We set out across campus toward a landscaped pond set in the middle of several dormitory buildings. Since classes hadn't started yet, people were everywhere, playing Frisbee, sitting on the lawns, walking and talking.

As we walked toward the pond four Asian guys came walking down the sidewalk on the other side, headed in the opposite direction. Nearly everyone stopped to watch them as they went, and the crowds parted in front of them. Whereas most of us were dressed casually for move-in day, all four of these boys looked like they had walked out of an issue of _GQ College Edition_ , if there were such a thing. And if I'm being honest, they were all gorgeous enough to be on the cover. I glanced at Lauren for her take.

She summed them up rapidly: "Arrogant and rich."

I muttered agreement, but still, we watched them walk all the way by before resuming our walk.

We found an empty bench near the pond and I felt the frustration drain away as I stared at the water. A swim would be even better, but no time for that today.

"So what are we going to do tonight?" I asked Lauren.

There was a big party organized by the student association, but we hadn't decided whether to go or not. We knew we should go to try and meet people, but then there was the awkwardness of actually meeting people.

"I vote K-drama. I'll even let you pick."

Lauren and I are Korean drama junkies, but we don't usually agree on what to watch.

"That's cheating!" Lauren said. "We have to go to the party. We're here at college; we have to do college things."

I reluctantly agreed, and she started planning our outfits while I tuned her out and watched the water. Across the pond I noticed the student association had set up a little ice cream cart with free ice cream. Once Lauren had our outfits sorted I pointed it out and we ambled over to get some. It was that bland soft serve ice cream, but somehow it tasted great that day, our first as college residents. We started talking about the schedule for the rest of the day – buying books, orientation, the party that night – and Lauren started walking backwards, the better to instruct me on what I would be wearing. I was teasingly telling her I would be wearing this same t-shirt and jeans to the party tonight, thank-you-very-much, when she tripped backwards over a step in the sidewalk. Her ice cream went flying, and in slow motion I watched it land on a pair of expensive-looking loafers. As if that weren't bad enough, the loafers belonged to one of the Asian guys we had seen earlier, and he was not happy.

Lauren jumped up, despite a skinned knee, and started apologizing profusely. She started digging around in her purse for some Kleenex to wipe his shoes. Instead of saying "that's ok," like any decent person, the jerk started going off about the cost of his shoes and how a Kleenex couldn't fix the precious one-of-a-kind leather with which they were made. Then he took Lauren's purse and threw it to the ground, knocking everything out. Lauren, of course, just took it all in stride and kneeled down to put everything back in her purse. I stepped between Lauren and the jerk, pulling myself up as tall as I could despite the fact he had four or five inches on me.

I yelled "Hey! She said she was sorry! What do you want her to do?"

He looked down his nose at me and asked, "Why are you getting involved?"

I looked at him as condescendingly as I could, given his height. "Uh, she's my friend. I guess despite your little posse here you don't know much about friendship and loyalty."

I gestured at his three friends, standing around behind him with varying looks of amusement on their faces.

He glanced back at them, glaring at their looks of amusement, and then turned to me again. "Loyalty? Let's see how loyal you are."

And then, so help me, he started speaking Korean. Now I enjoy K-dramas immensely, but I use the subtitles because I don't actually speak or understand Korean. I know a few words, but I had no idea what this jerk was saying to me, and no idea why he had suddenly switched to a different language. Did he not want Lauren to know what he was saying? Why? I looked at Lauren (as if she could interpret!), but she was busily shoving the last of her belongings into her purse and hadn't noticed. I think if my glance had not fallen on the other guys I would have simply explained that I don't understand Korean, but fate is fate. The first guy had a smirk and was rolling his eyes. The second was laughing out loud, to the point of bending over. The third stood there with his jaw dropped down to his chest, his hand over his mouth. I quickly deduced that whatever had been said was not complimentary, and without thinking shoved my ice cream into the jerk's face, smearing it around for good measure.

I grabbed Lauren's arm to escape. Mercifully she had her belongings stowed by that point, and we ran off as quickly as we could. I glanced back to see the jerk standing there furious, and the three other guys laughing uproariously.

We ran all the way back to our dorm room, with Lauren screeching intermittently "Jandi! Why did you do that? What happened?"

We collapsed into our room, completely out of breath.

Through gasps Lauren turned on me. "Seriously – what happened? I'm putting things in my purse and all of a sudden you're smearing ice cream in his face!"

I gave her the short version, including the facial expressions of the jerk's friends. Lauren was aghast, of course. "You have no idea what he actually said? You just

did that based on their expressions?"

Well, put like that it did seem rash. I thought back. Did I overreact? No, the more I thought about it the more sure I was that whatever he said it wasn't nice. I reassured Lauren, but we decided to lay low for awhile and skip the party that night.

That's how Molli found us that evening, curled up in front of my iPad watching "Playful Kiss," Lauren's favorite K-drama.

She burst in the door with a flourish and demanded " _Please_ tell me you did NOT shove an ice cream cone into Joon Shinwha's face."

I pressed pause and glanced at Lauren before responding, "Ummm . . . I didn't really get the guy's name."

Molli was aghast. "No. Way. First day of college and you're already on KP4's bad side? You know they run this school, right?"

Lauren sat up and said, "What are you talking about? Who is KP4?"

Molli grabbed my iPad, opened Safari and typed out a search. She turned it around to show us pictures of the four guys, including the jerk that I had pasted with ice cream. "Korean Prince Four. Four of the richest 20-somethings in Korea, and they all attend our school."

She pointed to one of the guys, he of the gaping mouth during the incident. He had short brown hair, wide-set eyes, and a serious look.

"First, Bin Song. His family owns a huge construction company in Korea, as well as lots of real estate holdings. He has a third degree black belt in tae kwon do."

I looked at Lauren to silence her. I also have a third degree black belt in tae kwon do, but that wasn't something I wanted to share with Molli.

She moved on without noticing, pointing to the next picture, of the one who had been bending over laughing. He had black hair that framed his face with boyish features, the kind of face most girls go crazy for.

"Second, YooJin Jong. He became a famous ceramic artist at the age of 16. His pieces are in demand worldwide. Plus his family owns one of the biggest museums in Korea."

That was a little hard to stomach – some guy at our school was a famous artist? Please. We must have looked incredulous because Molli opened a new window in Safari and started pulling up pictures of his art displayed in famous museums.

Then she went back to her original screen and continued.

"Third, Jai Yoon."

She showed us a picture of a guy with long, shoulder-length hair dyed a reddish color, and he looked like the brooding, serious type.

"He's the grandson of a former president of Korea. His family owns an art center in Korea, a soccer team in Europe, and an American major league baseball team."

This was the guy who had been rolling his eyes. I felt like rolling mine – who were these guys and why were they all at my college? Just my luck!

Molli, however, was moving on to the big finish.

"Finally, Joon Shinwha," she announced as she pointed at the jerk, "as in Shinwha Electronics, Shinwha Department Stores, and Shinwha Resorts."

Lauren and I looked at each other.

Lauren asked "Shinwha, as in Shinwha Girls' Dormitory? And Shinwha Athletic Center? And Shinwha Center for the Arts? And almost every other building on this campus?"

I kept it to myself, but I was thinking, "Shinwha Student Athlete Scholarships?"

Molli smirked in triumph. "Now you've got it."

I looked at the jerk's picture on my iPad. There he was – freakishly tall, weird curly black hair, and that arrogant snarl. "So . . . _that's_ Joon Shinwha?"

I was trying to stay calm in front of Molli, but inwardly I was cringing. Did I have to choose the richest jerk who owns the entire campus to insult? Why oh why didn't I ask him what he was saying?

Molli sneered. "You might as well withdraw now. He won't let this slide. It was nice knowing you!"

She flounced out of our room, slamming the door behind her.

I groaned and leaned into Lauren. "Less than a day. I've been at college less than a day and I have more enemies than friends."

I knew she wanted to make a comment about my terrible temper, but instead she patted my arm comfortingly and said, "He doesn't own the place just because his name is Shinwha. He's just a student like us. What can he do?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Classes hadn't started yet, but I had swim practice the next morning bright and early. I got up at 6, threw on some yoga pants and a t-shirt, fixed my usual ponytail, grabbed my bag, and headed out the door to the athletic center. When I came out into the lobby of the dorm I was surprised to see a crowd of people milling around; I was even more surprised when everyone stopped talking and looked at me expectantly as I emerged. Some of them even got out cell phones and started filming me. I stood there a minute, completely startled, until finally someone in the crowd yelled out, "Check your mailbox!"

The dormitory hadn't been remodeled in a long time, and there was a little corner in the lobby devoted to mailboxes. They were the really old-fashioned kind, little 4x8 boxes with a gold keyed door. I turned toward the mailboxes and dug in my bag, pretending to look for my key but really just giving myself time to think. What could they have put in that little box that was worth all these people getting up so early? Should I check it or just go on? I decided I might as well get it over with, and pulled the key from my bag. I walked over and found my box. I put the key in the door, hoping it wouldn't work, but of course it turned smoothly. I opened the door, standing to the side in case something flew out at me.

Nothing happened, so I peered into the box to see what was there. A red card lay in the box; I gingerly pulled it out. A stylized logo that said "KP4" with a picture of a crown on top of the letters was embossed in gold ink. I flipped it over, and someone had stamped a skull and crossbones symbol on the back in black ink. I stood there, puzzling. What on earth did it mean and why did all these people care? Finally I remembered I was being filmed. I turned around and flashed the card at the crowd. "Are we in middle school again? This is so immature!"

I threw the card in the trash and walked steadily to the door, thanking my lucky stars it hadn't really been anything at all.

I went out the front door, still breathing a sigh of relief, but as soon as I stepped out from under the porch roof I was drenched with a cascade of cold water from above. I stood there in shock, the cold taking my breath away, and then noticed there were more students outside filming me.

I mustered up as much bravado as I could and said, "I was headed to swim practice anyway!"

I stomped away, my shoes squelching with water. As soon as I was out of sight I stopped to wring out my shirt and drain my shoes as best I could. I thought grudgingly that it was a pretty good revenge: the card to frighten me ahead of time, and then in retaliation for cold ice cream in the face, a whole bucket of cold water. Good job, KP4. Now we're even. I figured it could have been worse; at least it wasn't cold out yet.

Most of the original buildings at Highland were built on the top of the hill, but some of the newer buildings, like the athletic center, were built lower down. To get to the athletic center I had to climb down several flights of cement stairs. As I started down I noticed a group of three big guys near the bottom, blocking my path. Given the events of the morning I was a little suspicious, so I slowed my steps and watched their body language as I got closer. Yeah, this was more trouble. Should I attack first and get the element of surprise or give them the benefit of the doubt?

I decided maybe I was getting a little paranoid, and just approached the group casually. As I descended onto their level, they fanned out, blocking the stairs. I tried to go around on the right; they blocked me. I tried again on the left; still no luck. Finally I stood back and eyed them. "Does KP4 pay you to do this or do you just enjoy bullying people?"

They didn't respond, but sneered at me.

"Look, I'm trying to be patient but I'm late for practice and I need to get by."

Finally one of them spoke. "Sorry, but you're not making it to practice today." He smiled maliciously. "You probably can't keep your scholarship if you don't make it to practice."

I nodded, now understanding the situation. Joon Shinwha was not messing around. "Ok, I'll just head back then."

I headed back up a flight of stairs to fake them out, and then turned around and ran as fast as I could right at them, jumping off the second step from the bottom with my knee out to catch the leader right in the chest. Sure enough, he crumpled down and in the confusion I was able to get past, running as fast as I could into the athletic center. I kept running into the girls' locker room and stood there a minute to catch my breath.

This went way beyond getting even. They're trying to make me lose my scholarship, all over some ice cream? How mean were these guys? I had assumed they were done after the cold water. And what was with coordinating all the students on campus to be against me? What else were they planning?

The locker room was cleared out; everyone else was already in the pool. I decided to focus on swim, quickly changing into my suit.

The coach noticed me trying to slip around the corner (of course) and decided to make an example of me.

"Miss James! You decided to grace us with your presence!"

I put my head down and apologized, trying to explain that it had been a rough morning. Coach wasn't having it.

"Your morning just got rougher! You will stay late and swim extra laps for thirty minutes after practice. You will also clean the pool for the rest of this week. Got it?"

I nodded and slipped into the water. Swim practice was tough, but it was just what I needed. By the time my extra thirty minutes of laps were over, I felt ready to face the world again. I could do this. Even if everyone on the whole campus was against me, I could keep my head down and get through. Withdrawal, despite Molli's advice, wasn't even an option. I'd spent too much time and effort getting here. I was staying. Besides, I'd been bullied before. Not quite like this, but I knew it was far better to stand up to them than to back down. I was _not_ going to back down.

I climbed out of the pool and headed back to the locker room. Thankfully everyone else was gone already. I pulled my wet clothes and shoes out of my locker and held them under the hand dryer. When everything was reasonably dry I changed and left.

The rest of the day passed without incident, but now I knew they weren't done. If they wanted me to lose my scholarship they wouldn't back down after one try.

The next day I got up even earlier to avoid confrontation. I needed to get to practice early to clean the pool anyway, although it would be pretty straightforward; indoor pools don't get that dirty. I slipped out the back door of the dorm at 5:30 am and took a roundabout route to the athletic center. Still, I kept a sharp eye on my surroundings. I made it without incident and changed into my suit.

Then I walked into the pool area with the cleaning net and figured out why I had made it here unscathed. The entire surface of the pool was covered with plastic water bottles. They must have heard I'd gotten cleaning duty and arranged this. Well, hard work never hurt anyone, or so my dad always claimed. I gripped the net firmly and went to work. I can do this, I thought, over and over. I can do this. They will not break me. This isn't even that big of a deal.

I got the pool completely clean. It was a good thing I had arrived earlier than planned, but since I had, everything was ready to go by the time swim practice started. I watched my teammates, trying to decide who the snitch was, but I couldn't tell. No one seemed particularly unfriendly. That almost made it worse; I wanted to know who my enemies were.

After practice I changed and called Lauren to meet me at the cafeteria for lunch. I was a little wary of appearing anywhere on campus, but I was not going to let those arrogant, immature boys ruin my life.

I made it to the cafeteria and met Lauren. We grabbed our trays of unappetizing chicken fried steak, gravy, and mashed potatoes, and found a quiet corner to sit in. I was just about to fill Lauren in on the events of the morning when Molli came walking by with Jillian and Bella in tow.

"I heard you got a red card," she said with delight.

I responded with a deadpan, "Yes, I got a card that was red in my mailbox. I'm so scared."

She rolled her eyes. "You should be." She picked her drink up off her tray and spilled it down my neck, adding a fake smile and a "Sorry!"

I gasped as the cold liquid spilled down my back; Lauren watched open-mouthed. Molli tossed a look at Jillian and walked away. Jillian followed suit, spilling her drink down my back, with the same fake smile and "Sorry!" Poor Bella, though; I was ready for her. As she spilled her drink I hit her full in the face with mine. She gasped like a fish out of water and stared at me with surprise. I gave her a smile and said, "Sorry!"

I thought I had the upper hand until something hit me in the head. Bella ran for the door; I reached a hand up to my hair to find it full of mashed potatoes. I whipped around to see who had done it, but everyone was eating quietly. Then another glop hit me from a different direction. I whipped around again, but still couldn't figure out the culprit. That's when it all came undone. Food started flying at us from all directions. Lauren dove under the table, covering her face, but I grabbed a spoon and some ammo off my plate and started attacking. There was no way I would win this, but I wasn't going to just go down without fighting. I soon ran out of food, but the rest of the cafeteria had plenty. I stood there and screamed as gravy and mashed potatoes flew at me from all directions. "Do more! Go ahead! That's all you got? DO MORE!"

Gradually the volleys decreased, and eventually food stopped flying. There was a brief standoff as we all stood around and stared at each other. I was completely coated with food; everyone else was barely touched.

I staggered out of the room, staring each person directly in the eye as I passed. I was hardly intimidating at that point, but there was no way I was going to look frightened. I passed out the cafeteria doors and headed into a student lounge across the hall. It was empty, thankfully, and I sank down by the wall with my head on my knees to rest. I willed myself not to cry; I would not give them that satisfaction. I sat, just trying not to think at all, when I felt a gentle hand on my head.

I looked up, right into the face of KP4's Jai, holding a handkerchief and dabbing at my head. I screamed and scrabbled backwards down the wall away from him. "What now? You're one of his thugs, right?"

He smiled and said, "Thug?" like he'd never thought of that word being used in reference to him. Then he started talking Korean, and I sank my head onto my hands in defeat. When he stopped I looked up to find him looking at me expectantly.

I said, "Do you not speak English? How do you attend college here and not speak English?"

He looked puzzled, but responded "English? Yes. But isn't it easier to speak Korean?"

I sighed. "I don't speak Korean."

He looked totally, completely shocked. The silence stretched out.

Finally he said, "You didn't understand what Joon said? But why with the ice cream?" He pantomimed jabbing the ice cream in Joon's face.

I sighed. "I could tell from you and Curly and Mo that he was insulting me."

Jai was lost. "Curly? Mo?"

I shook my head. "Never mind."

Jai squatted down and looked me in the eyes. "He was asking you out."

The words crashed into my brain and reverberated around.

I looked closely at Jai, trying to tell if he was joking, but no, he looked completely sincere. Finally I said in confusion, "What? He looked so arrogant, like he was insulting me."

Jai gave a short laugh and said, "That's just Joon." He looked at me, thinking, and then said, "Look, I'm going to tell him you didn't understand. But we've never seen him this worked up over anything." He looked pointedly at all the food on my clothes and hair and said "He doesn't usually take things this far. He keeps insisting you have to apologize."

My last bit of patience snapped. "Apologize? Are you looking at me right now? If you'd told me this two days ago I would have apologized, no problem. Now HE owes ME an apology. Look, I've spent my whole life getting bullied for being Korean. You guys want to bully me for being American? Fine. I can take it. You tell him from me," and I leaned close into Jai's face, "Bring. It. On."

I stood up and marched out, seething.

I went back to the dorm and took a long hot shower. Then I started some laundry, and filled Lauren in on the rest of my morning. I had forgotten her in the heat of the battle, but she had emerged unscathed from under the table. She was not a target, apparently; it was just me. I was starting to feel like a prisoner in my own dorm room, but I decided to lay low for the afternoon.

I thought I may as well rest; classes were starting the next day and I knew the battle would continue. Joon Shinwha could wait the entire year for an apology, as far as I was concerned. He had pushed me far enough; now there was no way I would ever back down.

I slept in a bit the next morning. I was hoping if the pool was trashed again the swim coach would get a chance to see it. Surely the college faculty wouldn't endorse this craziness. As I entered the lobby at 6 the next morning the crowd of students was back again.

I laughed and said, "Oh, is it showtime?"

I pulled my mailbox key out of my bag and showed it to the crowd with a flourish. I unlocked the box and stood out of the way as I opened it. This time a huge stack of red cards came spilling out of the box onto the floor. I was relieved; a stack of stationery just isn't that scary.

I grabbed the cards remaining in the box and turned to the crowd. "Look, there's one for everyone!"

I tossed them into the crowd and turned to leave – out the back door. Surely they wouldn't repeat the same prank twice, but I figured better safe than sorry.

Swim practice was uneventful, which seemed like a miracle. I was dreading what they must have planned for the rest of my day, though. That stack of red cards meant something, I was sure of it.

After swim practice I called Lauren from the hallway of the athletic center. I didn't want to be distracted on the phone while walking on campus; that would just be an invitation to all these idiots. I suggested we run to McDonald's for lunch because I didn't want to eat in the cafeteria again for awhile. She agreed. As I hung up a picture on the bulletin board caught my eye. It said "Sophomore Pregnant" across the top and had a fuzzed-out picture of some poor girl. Was this the work of KP4 as well? Didn't the girl have enough problems without having it all broadcast to the school? I ripped the paper off the board and tore it into tiny pieces before throwing it in the trash. I must have picked the meanest school in the entire United States.

I had my first college class that afternoon, so after McDonald's I stopped by the dorm for my backpack and headed out. Walking across campus was pretty much like crossing the front line of a war zone for me. I was hyper alert, watching the movements and facial expressions of everyone who passed. I glanced behind constantly in case someone was trying to sneak up on me. Surprisingly, I made it to the classroom building without a problem. Surely they weren't giving up? Were they trying to lure me into a false complacency?

I found my classroom, and with my head down took a seat in the back, trying hard to be inconspicuous. Nevertheless, whispers started up immediately and soon everyone in the classroom was murmuring quietly. I took a furtive glance around. Everyone was looking at me and then toward the front of the room. I turned to the front, and there was my picture under the "Sophomore Pregnant" headline; the same flyer I had ripped from the bulletin board earlier. This one, however, wasn't a fuzzed-out picture, but my school ID picture, sharp and focused.

"That's it," I thought. I stood up and slammed my hand down on my desk. "Where do I find them?" I asked, looking around for answers.

I noticed a guy filming with his cell phone. I advanced on him and grabbed the phone. "I'm coming for you, Joon Shinwha!" I said into the camera and then turned off the recording. "You send that to him right now."

Then I got right in the guy's face and said, "Where do I find him?"

He stammered something about the basement of the student center, and I whirled around, grabbed my backpack, and stormed over to the student center.

I made my way down to the basement and started looking around. Even in my rage I was surprised to see a room actually labeled "KP4." They have their own room in the student center? No wonder they do whatever they want. I took a deep breath and went in without knocking. They were all there, sitting around on couches watching the video I had just made as it played on the TV.

Joon pressed pause and said "You're already here! If you want to apologize, it's too late."

I marched over to him. "I'm not going to take this anymore."

Unruffled, Joon replied, "Hey, I know you're American, but do you call this an apology?"

I looked down at him. "You expect an apology after all you've done to me? You jerk!"

He just sighed and stood up, like I was wasting his time. "What? Jerk?"

I went into my tae kwon do fighting stance.

He looked at me askance and said "What are you doing?"

I looked back at him looming over me and said "I told you – I'm not going to take it anymore. I _definitely_ told you!"

Then I jumped into a roundhouse tae kwon do kick, my foot connecting solidly with his head – THWOMP. He staggered backward and fell into his chair. I leaned forward, my face only inches from his.

"How _dare_ you tell everyone I'm pregnant?! I've never even been on a date, never even held hands with a guy, and you're spreading it around that I'm pregnant?!" I straightened up and looked down at him. "If you ever play another dirty trick like this, you're totally dead! Got it?"

I turned around and marched out, thinking I was finished with the KP4.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next few weeks passed uneventfully, and I was grateful. I got into a routine with swim practice and classes and homework. I was afraid that the other students would continue to torment me, but everyone was perfectly friendly now. I went awhile without seeing any of the KP4 guys, and that was fine with me. I never wanted to see any of them ever again.

One day Lauren and I were walking to the pond when some guy stopped and gave us each a pink rose. We tried to ask why he did it, but he just hurried away without talking or slowing down. We looked at each other, curious and suspicious, but kept on walking. Soon another guy came along and did the same thing. We discussed whether to turn around or keep walking, but if this was a prank, it seemed pretty harmless. Sure enough, by the time we got to the pond we each had an armful of pink roses.

As we came around the corner to our bench by the pond, KP4 – minus Joon – stepped in front of us. We both took a step back, ready for a fight.

Jai put his hands out palms up, saying "We come in peace. That's why we gave you the roses first."

Hmm, so the roses were a peace offering? I looked at Lauren and without talking we silently agreed to hear him out. Jai handed over a fancy engraved invitation, the kind normal people would use for a wedding.

He said "I wanted to invite you both to my birthday party."

I was stupefied. "Why? Why are you inviting us?"

Bin laughed and responded, "Thanks to you, school has actually been fun this year." YooJin added, "Yeah, no one's ever stood up to the KP4 before. It's been interesting."

I glared at both of them, not amused.

Apologetically, Jai said, "We know it hasn't been fun for you, so we thought you might enjoy a fun party." Eyeing my expression, he added, "No pranks, we promise. We'll keep Joon in line too. Will you come?"

I looked at Lauren; she shrugged. I turned back to Jai.

"We'll think about it."

All three of them smiled, pleased, and Jai said, "Perfect! See you there!"

I hung the invitation on the bulletin board over my desk, and we debated back and forth about whether or not to attend. Good manners, instilled in us at an early age, dictated that we should attend the party unless we had a conflict with the date. We didn't, but I just couldn't face those guys. How could I smile and laugh and pretend to enjoy a party after all they'd done? Besides, this affair seemed to be pretty fancy, and neither one of us had brought a formal dress with us to college.

Saturday afternoon of the party found us studying in our dorm room. Weirdly, I was feeling a little guilty about not attending, but it was too late to figure out a dress anyway. A knock sounded on our door. I reluctantly got up to answer it, expecting Molli and friends. Instead, a beautiful Asian woman stood there, poised and elegant.

"Hi, I'm Hera, Jai's girlfriend. He sent me to pick you up for the party."

Surprised, I stammered, "Well, uh . . . we have homework."

Hera laughed. "It's Saturday – do it tomorrow! I've already made hair appointments for the three of us, and then we're going dress shopping. My treat!" She leaned in confidentially said, "I heard you kicked Joon Shinwha in the head."

I grimaced, not wanting to talk about it with someone who was probably friends with him.

She laughed again. "I have to hear all about it. Plus, I don't take no for an answer." She grabbed our arms, trying to pull us to the door.

I stopped her. "Look, I'm sure you mean well, but we don't want to attend this party. And we really can't let you pay for our hair and dresses."

Hera turned to me, a big smile on her face. "Jai said I would like you. He sent me to pick you up because he knew you wouldn't come on your own. Listen, the KP4 guys really want to make it up to you. They're the ones paying, not me. Let them do this much, and then you never have to see them again."

I could tell Lauren was dying to go, so I relented. We grabbed our purses and let Hera lead the way to her chauffeured car.

Soon we were sitting in a row at the hair salon. Lauren was regaling Hera with the story of the ice cream, and Hera found the whole thing immensely entertaining. Knowing what Joon actually said, I was embarrassed, but Hera said she could picture just what his face probably looked like and she totally understood why I thought he was insulting me.

Meanwhile the hairdressers worked magic, or so it seemed. I rarely do anything with my hair other than a ponytail, partly because I like to keep it out of my face, but also because it's quick and easy. The hairdresser left my hair down, but gave it a soft curl so that it framed my face and curled around my shoulders. Lauren was given a stylish French twist, and Hera's hair was pulled into a bun high on her head with little curled tendrils around her face.

Next came dress shopping. We each picked out two or three dresses to try on, and held a fashion show for each other in the dressing room. Lauren and Hera were complete knockouts in anything they wanted to put on. I was just hoping I wouldn't look too bad. I'm not usually a fan of pink, but somehow Lauren and Hera talked me into a pale pink dress with a fitted waist and flared knee-length skirt. It came with a white fuzzy shawl to cover my shoulders. We picked out shoes and jewelry to match, and Hera happily charged it all.

As we turned to leave, one of the saleswomen called out, "Thank you, Miss Shinwha!"

I froze.

Completely nonplussed, Hera smiled and said, "Oh, did I forget to mention Joon is my brother?" She hooked her arm in mine and dragged me through the door and into the car. Once in the car, she said, "You wouldn't have come with me if you'd known the whole truth, right?"

I shook my head.

"There you go! My idiot brother can use a few kicks to the head, don't worry." She smiled and raised her eyebrows. "He's going to think he's had another one when he sees you in that dress."

I was appalled. "No, no – it's not like that!"

Hera smiled again. "It is for him. He's lonely, you know. From the moment he was born he was heir to an empire. No one ever saw him as just a person. Can I ask you a favor, now that we're friends?"

How could I say no after all she had just done? Reluctantly I said, "Ok."

She said, "Will you give him a pass for the first stupid thing he says to you tonight? There will probably be more than one, but can you give him a pass on the first? I really like you, and I think you could be good for him, if you'd be willing to give him a chance."

I nodded, hugely uncomfortable. Joon could have all the passes he wanted, because I had no intention of giving him any chance at all. I couldn't say that, though, so I just kept quiet.

I looked out the window for the rest of the car ride, remembering everything we'd just said about Joon to his own sister. Ugh, I could kick myself in the head sometimes. Finally, the car pulled through palatial gates, over a winding drive, and up to a mansion that seemed to stretch along forever.

I was thinking what a nice party venue it was when Hera announced, "Here we are at Joon's house. Let's go."

I looked out the window again. "Wait – what? The party is at Joon's house? _This_ is Joon's house?"

Hera smiled. "Well, it's where he lives while he's at college anyway. I lived here too until I graduated two years ago."

I sank back into the car cushions. It was one thing to know abstractly that the KP4 guys were rich; it was another to look at this mansion and realize a college kid lived there. Lauren's face mirrored my emotions exactly – amazement and awe.

I said shakily, "I don't think I can do this."

Lauren grabbed my arm and squeezed it. "You can do it, Jandi. Hold your head up."

Hera added, "I'm not taking you home, so let's go."

There was no choice, so I nodded and tried to act confident as we walked inside. The doors opened into a vestibule, and we walked through it to the party in a cavernous living room. An elegant buffet was set up against the wall; adults and college students mingled with plates of food and drinks. I felt self-conscious, but tried not to show it as I looked around the room. The KP4 guys were all standing together eating. YooJin had already spotted us and was nudging Joon's arm for him to turn around. I looked down rather than make eye contact with him, but when I heard a plate fall I looked back up. He was looking straight at me like someone who'd seen a ghost, and the plate of food he'd held in his hand was now on the ground. I smiled to myself; what an idiot. Was he scared of me or what?

Joon soon recovered and they all walked over to us. Jai politely thanked us for coming, and we wished him a happy birthday.

Joon looked at me pointedly and loudly announced, "Look what happens when you paint with money. Even the ugly duckling turns into a swan."

Hera winced visibly and whispered in my ear, "Pass!"

I pasted a smile on and nodded to her.

YooJin, meanwhile, elbowed Joon and said to us, "Would you like something to eat?"

We agreed and went through the buffet. A few tables were dotted around, and we all sat down to eat. I didn't say much. They had carefully maneuvered me to sit next to Joon, and I figured it was safer to just keep my mouth shut. The others talked of school, comparing classes and professors. Amazingly, all the KP4 guys seemed like nice, normal people. Based on their actions, I had decided they were monsters, but here they were polite, considerate, and even interesting.

Finally, in what was clearly a carefully choreographed exit, Joon and I were left sitting alone together. Lauren at least had the decency to shoot me a look of apology as she was dragged off by the others. I stared at my plate, wondering when I could plausibly excuse myself.

At his most arrogant, Joon said, "I didn't plan this. I didn't know you would even be here."

He sounded almost mad, and it made me defensive.

"I didn't know I'd be here either. Jai invited us, but we weren't planning on coming until your sister showed up and dragged us here."

I glanced at his face, and he chuckled a bit. He was actually very good-looking with that smile. Then I mentally kicked myself. It didn't matter how he looked; he was a jerk, end of story.

He turned to me, still smiling, and said, "Yeah, Hera's hard to resist."

At that moment, an elegant, authoritative Korean woman walked up to the table and started talking to both of us in Korean. Joon's eyes widened and he shot me a look of pure panic. Out of nowhere, Bin dropped into the chair on my left and YooJin sat on the right arm of my chair, wedging himself between Joon and me. Bin draped his arm around my shoulder and began talking, still in Korean, and looked at me, smiling and nodding. I got the hint and began smiling as well. Then YooJin put his hand on my head and said something. The woman looked me up and down, then nodded and moved away. All three guys exhaled in clear relief.

"What just happened?" I asked.

Bin pulled his arm back and said in a wry tone, "You met Joon's mother and survived."

I turned to Joon. "That's your mom? What was she saying?"

YooJin patted me on the head again and said, "Don't worry about it." Then Bin and YooJin left as quickly as they had come.

I turned to Joon. "Seriously, what was that?"

Joon shook his head, still dazed, and said, "You don't want to know."

I started to let it go, but I was too irritated. I said, "You know, I'm trying to be nice . . ."

Joon interrupted with, "No, you're not. You haven't said a word this whole evening."

I glared at him. "I don't have anything nice to say to you. So if I'm being quiet then I'm trying to be nice. But you guys have a whole conversation in Korean that is clearly about me, and now you won't even tell me what's going on?"

I stood up to leave, but Joon grabbed my wrist gently. "My mom wanted to know what family you're from in Korea. She's trying to decide if you're going to interfere with her plans for my arranged marriage. Bin and YooJin convinced her you're just a friend of the KP4."

I sat down in shock, then noticed his hand still holding my wrist and shook it off. "What? That's not just a K-drama thing? You're going to have an arranged marriage?"

A little too eagerly he said, "Why? Do you feel sorry for me?"

"No, I feel sorry for the poor girl."

Joon glared.

I smiled sweetly. "Hey, where's the ladies' room?"

Joon gestured vaguely at a doorway on the other side of the room. I excused myself and made my way through the crowd, glancing around for Lauren as I went. How late would we end up staying since we came with Hera? Maybe we could call a taxi and leave early. Then I realized I had no idea where we were.

Once I got to the hallway I pulled up the map app on my phone, hoping it would give me an address so we wouldn't have to ask. While I was standing there, I heard voices in a room to my right. They were speaking Korean, but I clearly heard the word "Jandi." Somehow I doubted they were discussing lawn maintenance. I crept closer, hoping they'd switch to English, but no luck. Then I realized whoever was speaking was coming out the door and into the hallway, and they were about to find me there eavesdropping. I started backing up so that I wouldn't be right in front of the door. Unfortunately, on my third step back I landed on someone's foot. I lost my balance and toppled backwards into someone tall, who let out an "ooof." I whirled around to face Joon behind me. I started to scold him, but just then Jai and Hera emerged from the door. Joon grabbed my arm, whipping me back around to face them, and threw his arm over my shoulder.

He said brightly, "We were just coming to say happy birthday and goodbye. I'm going to take Jandi home; YooJin will take Lauren."

I squirmed under Joon's arm but pasted a smile on and murmured something about happy birthday and thank you for inviting me. Hera looked pointedly at Joon's arm around me. She gave me a hug and explained she was leaving for Korea the next day. We exchanged goodbyes, and Jai and Hera headed back to the party.

I gave Joon a sharp elbow in the ribs and stepped away.

He said, "I've repaid my debt now – for all those pranks."

I was taken aback. "Are you crazy? Not even close. Besides, what did you even do?"

He smiled craftily. "Should I tell them you were eavesdropping then?" He started to follow Jai and Hera.

I grabbed his arm to keep him from walking away. "It's not eavesdropping when you can't understand what they're saying!"

Joon just looked at me and waited. Would he tell them? The big jerk, he probably would.

"Fine. Ten percent – I'll take it as ten percent of the debt paid."

Joon stood there, immovable, and countered, "Fifty percent."

Sheesh. What did it even matter? But I just couldn't give up that easily. "Twenty-five percent. You don't need to take me home, though; I'll call a cab."

He smiled. "Twenty-five percent, and I take you home. Car's this way."

He steered me toward a back door and around to one of many garages. I was thinking furiously, trying to figure out another way to get home. When we stepped into the garage and Joon snapped on the light I stopped short. I'm not a car person, but I was raised by one, and I do know that when you see a yellow badge with a prancing pony on it you're looking at a ridiculously expensive car. I had no idea what model it was, but the Ferrari was bright red and for a car, it was beautiful.

For lack of anything else in my head I said, " _This_ is your car?"

Joon replied amiably, "My American car, yeah. I have a black one just like it in Korea."

I replied "Of course you do," but the sarcasm was completely lost on Joon.

With a huge grin, he opened the passenger door for me. Without any other options, I gave up and got in.

Joon was clearly in his element. He visibly lit up when he got behind the wheel, like a little boy with a favorite toy. I buckled up and watched him carefully adjust his seat and touch every knob. It reminded me of my dad in his beloved Mustang Cobra. Sam and I would always tease him about his "preflight check," touching every gauge and button before he could start the engine. Dad would love to ride in this Ferrari. As we pulled out of the drive I thought about taking a picture and sending it to him, but how would I explain it? He'd be sure to ask about the owner, and where would I even start? Maybe someday I'd tell him about it, when Joon was just someone I knew briefly once.

I stared out at the dark night as we cruised along toward campus. The silence stretched out again. What do you talk about with the worst bully you've ever met? As we drove I saw a big billboard for the town's Wal-Mart. Suddenly I had an image of Joon in his beautiful formal suit, standing in the middle of Wal-mart. It was a completely ludicrous image, and it made me giggle. Unfortunately, I was nervous, so despite my attempts to smother them, the giggles escaped and I started laughing out loud.

Joon glared at me. "What? What are you laughing at?"

I could barely talk, but stammered something about the billboard being funny.

"There was nothing funny about that billboard. It was a plain Wal-mart billboard."

Crap, he actually saw it as we drove by. That sobered me up pretty quickly. Now how to explain? "No, I just had this thought . . . hey, have you ever been to Wal-Mart? You've lived here three years, right? Ever stepped foot in the door?"

"What?"

Yes! The diversion had worked. "Wal-mart. You haven't experienced life in America until you've been in Wal-mart." Then I had an evil idea. I could make that vision come true. Joon was nonresponsive, so I started digging at him. "I dare you to go in Wal-Mart. Right now. With me."

Silence. Then, "Fifty percent."

"What?"

"Fifty percent of the debt paid off if we go to Wal-Mart right now."

I thought about it. "Deal."

Joon pulled off the highway and drove to Wal-Mart. He parked the Ferrari in the very last spot in the parking lot to avoid the dents and dings of parking anywhere near the store. I wrestled my way out of the car (a challenge in a dress and high heels) and looked at the distance to the front door.

Joon just grinned. "Want a piggyback?"

In K-dramas, the male lead always gives the female a piggyback ride at some point. I couldn't even imagine the spectacle it would be in America for me to accept a piggyback ride in the Wal-Mart parking lot. There was no one around, but still. Plus, I'd rather walk ten miles in high heels than accept a piggyback from Joon.

I sighed, measuring the distance to the front door. "Thanks, I'll walk."

We made it into the store and grabbed some sodas from the fast food restaurant at the front. We walked down one of the main aisles, grocery items on the right and women's clothes on the left.

I adopted the role of tour guide, saying "Now on your right you'll see how normal people buy groceries. They come to the store and pick out what they want, item by item, and then they take it home and cook their own meals. I assume your food magically appears in the fridge and then magically assembles itself into edible meals at the proper times?"

Joon glared at me. "Are you having fun?"

I laughed and pulled my phone out to take a picture. "Yes. Yes, I am." I snapped a picture of him glaring at me as he stood in front of the little girl clothing section. He did look hilarious, all decked out in his evening wear, standing in the middle of Wal-Mart.

He pointed to my phone. "Hey, what are you doing?"

I pulled up the picture and showed it to him. "When I need a good laugh I'm going to look at this picture."

He grinned. "So what you're saying is you're going to be looking at my picture and smiling?"

I rolled my eyes and started walking again.

Joon caught up with me easily. "You want to take some more? Take as many as you want!"

I glared at him and kept walking. We reached the electronics section and Joon came to an abrupt halt.

"Do they have the Shinwha 65X700?" He headed to the back wall where all the TVs were on display, and sure enough, there was a whole section devoted to Shinwha. Joon found the latest model and started telling me all about the features on it. He was so excited about all the things their new TV could do. I listened at first, but as he went on and on I started to feel a little queasy about standing there looking at Shinwha TV models with the guy who owned the company. All of a sudden it hit me – I had been enjoying myself. I had been treating this guy the way I would a friend. He was not a friend; he was a bully, a really rich, powerful bully.

He must have seen the look on my face, because he stopped talking and asked, "Are you ok?"

I shook my head. "I think I'm just tired."

Joon looked at me like he was trying to decide whether to believe me or not. "C'mon, I'll take you home."

We walked to the front of the store and he insisted I sit on the bench and wait for him to bring the car to me. I watched him walk away to the back recesses of the parking lot, and then the Ferrari roared to life. Joon picked me up, and I slid gratefully into the seat.

I must have been more tired than I thought, because I fell asleep as we drove from Wal-mart back to the dorm. One minute I was looking out the window, and the next I woke up in Joon's arms. I had been having nightmares about him for weeks, so to wake up inches from his face was a moment of sheer terror. I screamed and started flailing and hitting him, convinced he was kidnapping me. He set me down and then backed away with his hands up.

"What? WHAT?" he asked.

"What are you doing to me?" I demanded.

"You fell asleep! I was taking you to your room!"

For the first time I looked around and realized we were in front of my dorm. He was just carrying me in, apparently.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked, mentally adding the word "moron" to the end of the question.

"I tried! Geez, your temper!"

I glared at him, clutching my heart and trying to get myself under control. Sure, you tried. Whatever. Still glued to the spot with my heart racing, I asked, "Hey, what were Jai and Hera saying about me?"

He folded his arms and gave me a level stare. "They were talking about what a bad temper you have."

Could he be more annoying? "Fine." I stomped toward the door, angry and a little embarrassed.

"Yah."

I turned around, wondering if he knew he had used the Korean for "hey" instead of the English word.

"What are you doing for Fall Break?"

No way was I spending any of my vacation with this guy. "Writing a paper. And avoiding any association with KP4."

He smiled like that was the funniest thing ever, and waved goodbye.

I went inside and got ready for bed; Lauren was already asleep. I wondered what happened with YooJin; I'd have to ask her tomorrow. As I lay there in the dark I replayed the events of the night. We'd had fun with Hera. She was pretty nice; how was it possible Joon had such a nice sister? Joon. He made that ugly duckling comment, but after that he seemed like a perfectly nice, normal person. He seemed genuinely concerned when I said I was tired. You'd never guess he did such horrible things to people.

I was drifting off to sleep when the memory shifted into my consciousness. I remembered being asleep in the car, and a gentle hand brushing hair off my face. Then someone took my hand and patted it, and Joon's voice said "Jandi" quietly but insistently, over and over. Then I remembered him picking me up, and my head falling against his shoulder. Did that actually happen? Maybe he did try to wake me up. Why didn't he just shake me awake or douse me with cold water? That would be more consistent with the Joon Shinwha I knew.

How bizarre. Was it possible he still liked me? No way, not after that kick to the head. Hera claimed he was lonely. Was I really supposed to feel sorry for him because he's the heir to a big conglomerate? He didn't seem lonely, but maybe the brash arrogance was a cover. He was fun to bicker with, and oh man, that smile. No! I didn't want to think of him that way. After tonight, the Joon Shinwha chapter of my life was closed. But my mind kept dwelling on him, and it took a long time to fall asleep as my confused thoughts went round and round.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next morning Lauren insisted that the ride home with YooJin was uneventful; he was clearly just doing his friend a favor. I showed her the picture of Joon at Wal-Mart and we both enjoyed a good laugh over it. She questioned me closely on whether perhaps I was falling for him a little, but I denied it. No way was I going to fall for that guy. Even if he was nice (and he wasn't), he came with way too much baggage – all that money and then his mother. Who knew what his dad was like?

School got busy over the next few weeks as we headed toward midterms and fall break. I got back into the routine, and if I sometimes looked at Joon's picture on my phone, it was just to enjoy the incongruity of him standing in Wal-Mart. I saw him on campus a few times, but never close enough that we had to greet each other. I made a few other friends through classes and swim team, and Highland began to feel more like home.

Lauren and I were pretty nervous about our first set of midterms at Highland, but we survived the actual tests and hoped for the best as far as grades. Rather than head home for fall break we were planning to stay at school and just enjoy some down time together.

I was finally finished with my last midterm, heading back to the dorm for some long-deserved rest, when Joon stepped directly into my path.

"Long time no see! Have you missed me?"

Annoyed, I replied, "No."

He grabbed my wrist in classic K-drama fashion and said, "Come on! I have a surprise for you!"

I dug my heels in and didn't budge. I tried to yank my wrist away but couldn't. "You did _not_ just do a wrist grab on me."

Joon turned around, completely confused. "What?"

I jutted my chin at my wrist in his hand. "Wrist grab, the most annoying thing about K-dramas. The guy grabs the girl by the wrist and she just meekly goes along with it. American girls don't do wrist grabs." I took my other hand and did a little tae kwon do chop on his wrist.

He let go with a loud "Ow!" Then he added, "American girls don't do manners, either!" He rubbed his arm where I had hit it, and looked at me, thinking. "Fine. Never mind. See you later." He walked away a few steps.

Good riddance. His idea of a surprise was probably a basketful of snakes or something horrible. No way was it something nice, right?

He turned around to look at me, and came back a few steps but not all the way. I watched him warily.

"Miss Independent American Lady! Would you care to join me – of your own free will – to view a surprise I prepared for you?" He bowed slightly and jutted his elbow out for me to take.

I looked at him and considered. Surely he wouldn't have asked if it was some sort of prank. Curiosity got the best of me, and I walked forward and took his arm. He escorted me to the road, where his chauffeured car was waiting. I stopped and considered whether to get in the car or not. It was easy to run if we were just walking somewhere, but a car was harder to escape.

He opened the car door for me, not noticing my hesitation. I stood there, weighing my options, and finally he noticed and looked up. "What?"

"I'm trying to decide how much to trust you," I said. "Is this a surprise _I_ will like or a surprise _you_ will like?"

He rolled his eyes, exasperated. "You'll like it. Get in."

I still didn't trust him, but I was curious, so I got in. I figured I could always take a taxi back to school if I needed to. Joon shut the door and got in on the other side. The driver pulled out of campus and onto the highway. I watched the highway signs so I could tell the general direction we were headed. Every now and again I would glance at Joon; he was just watching me, amused.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"Yeah, but I don't like surprises and I don't trust you."

He just smiled. "We're almost there."

A few minutes later we pulled off the highway and into a little private airport. My small suspicions blossomed into a full-blown panic attack. I was plotting my escape when the car pulled up next to a private jet and there were Lauren, Jai, YooJin, and Bin standing there waiting on us.

I was definitely surprised, but also confused. I got out of the car and addressed my question to everyone. "What is this? What are we doing?"

Joon emerged from the car and gave a huge smile. "We're going on a trip!"

Lauren and I were the only ones surprised, and we both responded in unison: "What?"

Joon said again, "It's fall break. We're taking a trip," like that was enough of an explanation.

I looked at him blankly. "I have a paper to write." He grabbed my elbow and started walking toward the plane; I don't think I even noticed I was so busy arguing. "I don't even have a bag with clothes. You have to pack if you're going on a trip. This is crazy!"

Joon pulled me into the plane. Crazy wasn't even the word for it. The plane only sat eight people, but the seats were big leather chairs that sat facing each other in groups of two with an aisle between.

I looked at Joon, still dumbfounded. "Is this your plane?"

Joon, still perfectly happy, led me down the aisle. "Yep." He gently pushed me into one of the chairs and fastened my seatbelt, talking all the while. "You can write your paper while we're there. I had my people pack some things for you, but if they're not right we'll buy what you need when we get there."

My brain still wasn't working properly. I watched him sit down across from me. Lauren sat across the aisle with YooJin; Bin and Jai sat further back.

Lauren, of course, had already accepted her fate and was settled in her chair, perfectly

happy. She smiled at me and said, "Come on! It'll be fun."

Suddenly I had a thought. "My parents! They think I'm at school!"

Joon smiled sweetly. "I called them personally. Introduced myself, told them we have a group of friends going on a trip for fall break. They were fine with it as long as Lauren was along too." He beamed at Lauren; she beamed right back.

This was the worst possible piece of news; I had not told my parents anything about Joon or the KP4. "You – called _my_ _parents_?!"

"Sure!"

I thought about that. "Who did you tell them you were?"

Joon laughed smugly and said, "Your boyfriend, of course, who else?"

That gave my brain a much-needed jolt and goaded me into action. I pulled out my cell phone as the plane started taxiing to the runway. I opened the phone and scrolled to Mom's number; I didn't know what I was going to say but it was imperative she knew that Joon Shinwha was not my boyfriend.

As I started to push the dial button the stewardess came by and said, "Oh, hon, I have to ask you to turn that off." She reached out and pushed the button, closing the phone app. I put the phone away, defeated.

Here I was again, caught completely off guard. I watched as the plane took off, circling the autumn trees and heading south. _This_ was his idea of a surprise?

I had another thought. "Where are we going?"

Still grinning that little boy smile, Joon said, "Mexico." He was having way too much fun watching my consternation.

I looked at Lauren for reassurance. She smiled good-naturedly and said, "Fighting!" with a fist pump to encourage me.

I had thought she was surprised, but surely even Lauren couldn't accept a trip like this calmly. I asked her, "Did they tell you about this ahead of time?"

She shook her head no and explained that YooJin had told her I was in an accident and she had to come immediately. She went with him, and he brought her to the airport instead.

I was exasperated with her. "Aren't you kind of mad?"

She just smiled. "You're ok, and we're going on a trip. What's the big deal?"

I shook my head at her. YooJin glanced up from his phone and shot me a big smile, as if to say, isn't she great? Hmmm . . . was he interested in her after all?

I looked out the window and tried to relax. Four days wasn't that long, right? This beat getting attacked with mashed potatoes in the cafeteria, at least. I shuddered to think what Joon's "people" had packed for me to wear. I glanced at him again; he was practically giggling, proud and happy like he'd really done something great. What a wacko.

All too soon the pilot announced our arrival in Mexico, and we landed amid bright sunshine and tropical breezes. As my feet hit the stairs to descend from the plane I grabbed my phone and called Mom.

When she answered, I immediately said, "Mom! Joon Shinwha is _not_ my boyfriend!"

Joon came up behind me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I jumped and knocked his arm off; he just smiled and kept walking.

Mom replied, "Ok, if you say so. Maybe he should be, though; he seems really nice."

"Mom! He just kidnapped me from school and brought me to _Mexico_!"

She laughed, completely unconcerned. "It's hardly kidnapping when he calls your parents to ask permission. You've still got your cell phone, right? Look around – are you in a cell being held hostage?"

Joon guided me into a car with the others. To Mom I said, "You're completely missing the point!"

"Ok, well, have fun. Hey, I invited him to our house for Thanksgiving. He's been in America three years and never experienced a real American Thanksgiving! I can't wait to meet him. Love you!" And with that, she hung up the phone.

For the billionth time in one day, I was gob smacked. I looked at the phone in shock, then at Joon, still smiling away. "You're a psycho. She thinks you're coming home with me for Thanksgiving."

Joon waggled his eyebrows up and down. "I am!"

I couldn't do anything but stare at him. This, right here, was the problem with Joon Shinwha. Whether he was torturing me or surprising me, everything went slightly skewed when he was around. It was like trying to walk in an earthquake. Even Mom, who up until today was totally predictable and sane, careened off into lunacy when placed into proximity with Joon.

I resigned myself to the trip and tried to channel Lauren. Just enjoy; don't question, don't worry. Here we are in a tropical paradise!

The car stopped in front of a gorgeous high-rise hotel with the name "Shinwha" written on it prominently. Palm trees were dotted around the front of the building, and sand stretched behind it directly to the ocean. Joon led the way in and stepped up to the front desk. I had just promised myself not to worry, but it hit me like a ton of bricks: who exactly would I be rooming with? I wondered if he had discussed _that_ with my mom.

Joon returned and gave each of us our own key card. I clutched it thankfully and followed the group as we looked for our rooms. Everyone but me was happy and laughing, discussing what to do first after we changed from Midwest American fall clothes into summer. They all agreed to meet back in the hall.

I let myself into my room and leaned back against the door in relief to be alone for a minute. Then I caught my breath. I was looking out on the ocean through floor to ceiling glass, with a balcony just outside. Barely registering the big fruit basket and king size fluffy bed, I headed for the balcony and leaned out to breathe the sea air and drink in the sight of the ocean.

I was standing there in the wind when I heard Joon next to me. "Why haven't you changed?" He stood on the next balcony over, still dressed in his college clothes.

"Why haven't you?"

"I wanted to see that look on your face right now."

Without speaking, I turned and went back in my room. How did he know?

Annoyed, I started looking for a suitcase. Not only had they packed it, they had unpacked it; the closet was full of summer clothes in my size. I had been dreading what I would find, but the clothes were tasteful and pretty. I picked out a colorful sundress and grabbed some sandals. How on earth did they know my shoe size? I looked out the window to gauge whether anyone could see in while I changed, then went into the bathroom just to be sure.

In the bathroom I stopped short again. The bathtub had been filled with water and had fresh flowers floating in it. I picked one up and smelled it. This was nice, I had to admit. If I had even the smallest crush on Joon Shinwha I'd be swooning right now. Good thing I knew his true nature already.

I changed quickly and joined the others, feeling nervous and out of place. I was thankful Lauren was here with me, though. We could stick together and make a fun vacation out of this craziness.

It was too late in the day to do much, so we headed down to the hotel restaurant for an early dinner. They ushered us into a private room and brought us a special menu Joon had already arranged, lots of fresh seafood and even some Korean dishes. The boys were in high spirits, joking around and laughing.

After dinner we went for a walk on the beach behind the hotel. It was a beautiful clear evening. The beach was deserted except for a few crabs scuttling about. Lauren and I took our sandals off to walk barefoot in and out of the surf. The night sky stretched out above us, with more stars than I had ever seen. I found myself slowly relaxing, and actually enjoying the evening.

In bed that night I lay watching the dark night sky above the ocean, looking out the glass windows. I could hear the waves pounding the sand even high in my room. I was as confused as ever about Joon Shinwha, but it was so peaceful laying there I decided to relax and not worry about it. Soon I drifted into a deep, restful sleep.

The next day we met up for breakfast and discussed what to do. Since the boys had all been to this little Mexican town before, they decided Lauren and I needed to get the grand tour. We took a shuttle to the town and started walking through it. There were lots of little touristy shops with items for sale. We had fun trying on sunglasses and hats and sorting through various knickknacks.

We spent the morning going through all the little shops, and then lunched together at a Mexican restaurant in town.

Afterwards, Joon suggested a boat tour, and the other boys agreed enthusiastically. We headed back to the hotel and walked out to a little dock. I followed Joon onto the boat and he suggested I look at the view from the other side. It was pretty, looking back at shore with the vast expanse of ocean stretching out from it. As the boat started and pulled away I heard Lauren shout, "Jandi!" and turned around to see that she and the other guys were still on the dock.

I slugged Joon in the arm. "What's going on?"

"Ow!" He rubbed the spot pitifully, trying to make me feel sorry for him. It didn't work; I just waited for an answer. "Another surprise – just for you this time." He grinned.

"I know my mom seems like a really nice person, but if anything happens to me she will hunt you down."

Still smiling, he said, "Nothing's going to happen!"

"If anything happens to Lauren while I'm gone _I'll_ hunt you down."

"She's fine. YooJin's watching out for her."

I turned back around to watch the sea. I could feel him watching me, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. I wished I was out here by myself, just the wind and the waves and me.

The boat plowed up the coast awhile and Joon pointed out various landmarks along the way. Then we headed out to sea toward an island just barely visible in the distance. I figured it was an island owned by the resort, with a beach and various amenities. When we got there, though, there was not even a dock, just a beach and trees on a little Robinson Crusoe-type island. The boat grounded on the beach; they lowered the gangplank right into the ankle-deep water. Joon took his shoes off and walked in, then turned around and gestured for me to follow.

I kept my shoes on and walked down the gangplank to the water line. "What are we doing here?"

"Take your shoes off and walk or I'm going to put you over my shoulder."

I thought about it, looking around at the boat crew to see if they would help. No, they were clearly on Joon's payroll, grinning and hoping for a show. Reluctantly, I took my shoes off, and Joon offered a hand to help me balance. I hated to take it, but it was that or fall in the water. Shoes off, I waded into the ocean with Joon and followed him to the beach.

At the beach I turned back around to the ocean; the boat was already far in the distance. Somehow I wasn't even surprised. Resigned, I asked Joon, "What is this place?"

Joon tried to act nonchalant as he started walking the length of the beach. "Just a deserted island I wanted to show you."

I walked along beside him. "Deserted. There's no one here besides you and me?"

Joon smiled that little boy smile. "Yeah."

We walked as I tried to frame the next question without making it too obvious. A guy and a girl, a deserted island . . . what was he planning? I guess he knew what I was thinking, because he said, "What are you scared of? I'm the one that got kicked in the head, remember?"

"You deserved it too," I quickly responded. "Don't make me do it again."

Joon gave an arrogant "humph," and said, "I'm ready for you now. And I might fight back."

That thought made me laugh, and I said, "Oh, you think?"

We came around a bend on the beach and I stopped laughing abruptly. Just ahead was a little wooden table with two seats, a tablecloth flapping in the breeze. Atop the table was a spread of fruits and shrimp cocktail and iced drinks.

I stared at the table. "You never do anything by halves, do you?"

"Never."

He walked to the table and pulled one of the chairs back, gesturing for me to sit.

I went and sat, still feeling off balance. "It's like magic, this table in the middle of nowhere."

He went around and sat on the other side. "You like it?"

I didn't want to admit it, but honesty won out. "Yeah." I ate a piece of shrimp and smiled. This was pretty cool.

Joon grinned. "If you were my girlfriend, I'd do this kind of thing for you all the time!"

Ah, there was the annoying Joon I knew. "Then it wouldn't be magical," I said flatly. "Besides, _if_ you wanted me to be your girlfriend and _if_ I agreed, shouldn't it be because I like you, and not because I like the things your money can buy?"

He used his fork to shove a piece shrimp around on his plate. Finally he looked up with a hesitant smile and said, "I guess so." He shoved his chair back and walked down the beach into the water, hands in his pockets, staring out at the ocean.

What was going on? He wanted me to be his girlfriend, even I was just using him for his money? Crazy idiot. I popped another shrimp in my mouth and thought. Now what? I figured I better at least lighten the mood. I waded out next to him, arms folded, pretending to be somber. I went just a little bit past him and then turned around and kicked water up onto his legs. He jumped back, surprised, and I took off running. As I expected, he came after me, but I was already back on dry land.

"What's around the next bend? An entire amusement park? A Starbucks? Or are you out of ideas?"

He laughed, and I found myself glad to see him smiling again as he caught up to me. "Just the boat to take us back." He grabbed my arm, dragging me out into the water, and then splashed me, but just a little. "Let's go."

He was back to his old self as we walked to the boat.

Back at the hotel I told Joon I needed to work on my paper a bit, and sequestered myself in my room. I did get some work done, but I also found myself staring out at the ocean and the beach. I really regretted not getting this paper done before break.

I had been working for about an hour when Joon came breezing through the door of my room. I stared, open-mouthed, then jumped up, brushed past him, and checked the lock on the door.

"I swear this door was locked. How did you get in here?" I opened and shut the door, testing the knob from both sides.

Joon grinned and held up a key card. "I own the place, remember?"

"So you're allowed to barge into any room at any time?" I checked the deadbolt; it seemed to work, at least. The key card wouldn't get him past that. "I guess I'll start using the deadbolt."

Joon grabbed the door out my hands and shut it in a huff.

"What?" I asked.

Joon gave a big sigh. "I want to give you a present."

He loomed closer over me; I took an uncertain step back. "A present?"

He took a step forward, coming closer again, and again I took a step back. He kept coming, and I kept retreating until my knees hit the bed unexpectedly, knocking me off balance so that I sat down. I had a moment of panic when I realized he'd backed me into the bed on purpose, but he just kneeled down and grabbed my foot. He tied a shark tooth anklet on, and then smiled at it.

"I thought that would look good on you," he said, and then scowled. "Don't lose it."

I was really touched until the old Joon surfaced with the threat. "Is it a gift or not?"

Joon looked up at me, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"If it's a gift, and I lost it, it wouldn't be on purpose and you should understand."

Joon was clearly frustrated, but so was I. "It's a gift."

I gave him a sweet smile. "Thank you."

He got up and walked out without a word. I looked at the anklet, twisting my foot around to see how it looked. I loved it. It was simple and plain, like something I would have picked out for myself. I was kind of surprised; Joon's taste usually seemed to run to more expensive items. I went and locked the deadbolt on the door before resuming work on my paper.

The next few days passed too quickly as Lauren and I actually enjoyed our time at the resort. We swam in the ocean, rode horses on the beach, and went deep sea fishing. Joon was still arrogant and annoying at times, but I could also see a generous and fun-loving spirit showing through.

Our last night at the resort we had a bonfire on the beach. We were sitting around it on chairs, relaxed and happy.

Joon sat by me, of course, and after awhile he leaned over and said, "Where's my debt? Am I paid in full?"

I couldn't let him off the hook that easily, so I said sarcastically, "Ha. Sixty percent."

"Sixty percent!? You've been in paradise for four days! Eighty percent."

I raised my eyebrows, acting stern. "You kidnapped me! Seventy percent."

Joon smiled sweetly. "No, you came of your own free will, remember? Seventy-five percent."

I laughed. "Fine – seventy-five percent."

He grinned and rubbed his hands.

"It is nice here," I said. "Do you do this every year? Bring a girl here and give her the whole royal treatment?"

Joon became somber again. "You're the only girl I've ever brought here."

I laughed, still joking around. "Well, I guess you own a lot of different resorts, you can mix it up."

He looked me in the eyes, very seriously, and said, "You're the only girl I've taken anywhere."

Wait, what? I was still thinking about that when he spoke again.

"So . . . when we get back to school . . . if I were to ask you out . . . _in English_ . . . what will you say?"

I looked down at the sand. I thought about all I knew of Joon Shinwha. Yes, he'd been a huge jerk in the beginning. Was he beginning to change, though? I had started enjoying his company during this trip. I liked making him glare, and our little arguments back and forth. I woke up in the morning looking forward to seeing him.

Still looking at the sand, I said quietly, "Yes."

Joon bent down so he could see my face. With a big smile he asked, "Yes?" and I nodded. He sat up, pumped his fist in the air, and said "Showtime!"

Behind us, fireworks started going off. They lit up the sky in a huge display of color and sound. We all oohed and aahed; it was a perfect benediction to the vacation. During one bright blast I glanced at Joon. He wasn't watching the fireworks at all; he was just watching me with a big silly grin on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Too soon we were back at Highland. Lauren and I returned to our dorm room and reluctantly unpacked all our new summer clothes. Already Mexico seemed like a faraway long-ago dream.

I quizzed Lauren about YooJin; it seemed to me he was sticking to her side a little more closely than necessary. She admitted he was cute, but insisted he wasn't actually interested in her. Then she turned the tables on me.

"You're falling for Joon, aren't you?"

"Shut up," I said nicely. "No."

Lauren sighed. "I have to tell you something. You know all those K-dramas we watch where the rich guy falls for a poor girl and the guy's family goes crazy trying to keep them apart?"

"Yeah," I said. "I think Joon's mom would be like that. She's pretty scary."

"You know already? YooJin said Joon's family would _definitely_ be like that."

I smiled. "It doesn't surprise me. But it's not like we're getting married. We're just dating. I mean, technically we haven't even been on a date. But it's not serious, whatever we're doing."

"Yeah, you're just jaunting off to Mexico, no big deal . . ." Lauren laughed, and I laughed with her.

I didn't know how to define what was going on with Joon, but I knew for sure it wasn't serious. He was headed for an arranged marriage when he graduated in May. I was headed for two more years of school and didn't intend to consider marriage for quite awhile. Even if I wanted to marry him I wouldn't make the cut with his family, that was certain. I wasn't too worried about it. We could date for fun and go our separate ways in May. It might be painful when we got there, but as long as we both knew it was coming we could part amicably.

The first week back at school was different than all the weeks prior. I never used to see Joon on campus anywhere; now he kept popping up wherever I went. Twice he even showed up at the dorm at 6 am just to walk me to swim practice.

Thursday afternoon I was studying in my room when I got the following text: "Dinner and a movie Friday. I'll pick you up at 6."

I laughed and showed it to Lauren. "He really does think he's a prince, doesn't he?" I wrote back, "Yes, your highness," with a crown emoji, and "Your wish is my command," with an eye roll emoji.

I showed the text to Lauren. "Do you think he understands sarcasm?"

Friday evening found me eye to eye with a fresh-cooked lobster enthroned on a white china plate, which was sitting on Joon's lavishly appointed dining room table.

"You know," I told Joon, "most of the time when people say 'dinner and a movie' they mean burgers or something simple."

"You don't like lobster?" Joon asked.

"I like lobster," I said, "I just don't like the lobster looking at me while I eat it."

Joon said something in Korean to the butler who stood at attention near the table. The butler whisked my plate away and left the room.

"Hey, I want that!"

Joon laughed. "I asked him to take the head off."

"Oh." Sure enough, the butler returned and brought the lobster, sans head, back to the table and placed it in front of me. My appetite returned and I started cracking into the lobster. As I ate I started wondering about that butler.

I caught his eye and said, "Hey Alfred, how long have you been Joon's butler?"

He smiled politely and replied, "I've known the Young Master since he was in diapers, Miss."

Jackpot! I smiled brightly and said, "Really?! Do you have any baby pictures of him?"

The butler started to reach into his suit jacket lapel, but Joon held up a hand to stop him and said "His name is Tae Woong, and he doesn't speak English that well."

I smiled again at the butler, pantomimed taking pictures out of a suit pocket, mouthed "later," and gave him a big wink. I definitely wanted to see those pictures. The butler smiled and gave a little bow, but when I glanced at Joon his mouth was agape. About time _he_ was the one with the open mouth. I tossed him a sweet smile and continued working on my lobster.

After dinner we adjourned to Joon's movie room. He had a big movie screen and theater chairs with built-in speakers. The walls were decorated with old movie posters. Alfred brought us popcorn and candy, and we settled in to watch an action movie.

I was trying to act casual but it was really weird watching a movie just the two of us. I had assumed "dinner and a movie" meant an actual movie theater, with tons of other people around. But here we were. I was so tense it was hard to follow the plot. Usually I enjoyed these types of movies, with plenty of action sequences and the wry, sarcastic hero who cracks jokes while saving the world. Tonight, though, I could barely follow along.

Was Joon nervous too? Probably not; he was always so self-assured about everything.

"Just watch the movie, Jandi," I told myself. "Quit being neurotic."

I tried to relax, but then the movie took a turn towards romance. The hero had saved the girl and now it was time for the kiss. Awkward! I hated watching this stuff with girlfriends, much less with a guy. I reached for some popcorn to distract myself, but my hand encountered Joon's. I glanced over at him and met his eyes. Crap. Those eyes. Look away, Jandi, just look away. But I couldn't look away, and Joon started leaning in, his lips clearly headed towards mine.

As he leaned toward me, Alfred burst in the door, jabbering away in Korean.

Joon's eyes widened, and he said, "The wicked witch is coming. I have to get you out of here."

I was confused. "What? The wicked witch?" but Joon was already grabbing my wrist and hauling me to the door. I almost fell down trying to keep up, so I yanked my wrist back and said, "I'm coming!"

Joon turned around with panic in his eyes. "There's no time!" he said as he snatched me off my feet into his arms and started running along the hallway to the front door. 

Alfred opened the front door as we got there, only to reveal Joon's mother standing on the step outside, about to come in. Her face hardened into a scowl as Joon set me down and then stepped in front of me. I peered around his back as the two of them stared at each other.

"Is this how you live in America?" she asked him. I was surprised she was speaking English.

Joon responded, "Do you care?"

"Yes," she said. "You are the future heir of Shinwha Corporation. You can do better than a no-name orphan." Then she looked directly at me and said, "You aren't worthy of him. You should leave him alone before I make you leave him alone."

I stood there speechless as Joon put his arm up, as if to shield me from attack. How did she know who I was? He said, "We'll talk about this later, Mother." Then he grabbed my wrist and walked out the door.

We walked to his car in silence. We got in and Joon pulled out of the drive to head back to college. Gradually my shock turned to anger.

"I'm not worthy of you? What _was_ that?" I thought some more and added, "And how did she know I was an orphan? Past tense, by the way – I have a family."

Joon pounded the steering wheel in frustration. "That was the wicked witch known as my mother. We must not have convinced her at Jai's party that you were just a friend. She's done some research on you."

I had expected him to defend her or explain her, not to agree with me. "You call your own mother a wicked witch? Is she always that way? I thought it was just me."

Joon sighed. "It's not just you. She doesn't approve of my having friends, or dating, or being anything other than the future heir of Shinwha."

I looked out the window as we pulled onto campus, and my anger started to fade. I was actually feeling a little sorry for Joon Shinwha, having a mother like that. I knew orphans had a lower social status in Korea, but the ramifications of that for Joon had never occurred to me. Plus there was the wide difference between American and Korean, crazy rich and middle-class.

Thoughtfully I said aloud, "I guess we really don't fit together. I'm going to be a social worker; you're going to be the head of an international corporation."

Joon slammed on the brakes as he pulled up in front of my dorm. "We fit together _fine_."

I turned and looked at him. "Seriously, there's got to be a nice Korean girl out there who will let you drag her around. I don't want to get between you and your mom."

Joon scowled. "She's not my mom – she never has been. She's just my mother." He took my wrist and held it up. "And that's why I like you – you refuse to be dragged around." He carefully placed my hand in his and then covered it with his other hand. "You stand on your own two feet."

I sat there a minute, soaking that in. He _liked_ that I wouldn't let him order me around? That was a surprise; I always thought he must like me in spite of that somehow.

Joon looked at our hands together, and then looked at me. "You don't like bullies, right? You stand up to them and fight. So don't let my mother bully you."

I felt the warmth of his hands enveloping mine, and I knew he was trying to give me strength. I also knew I wasn't the one who needed it. His mother could say anything to or about me, and it didn't really matter. Joon was the one she had control over. I squeezed his hand and nodded; I would not let her bully me.

Joon let go of my hand and I got out of the car slowly, trying to think of something I could say to make him feel better. As I shut the car door it came to me. I turned around and tapped on the window. Joon rolled it down and leaned over.

With a smile I said, "So are you still crashing my trip home for Thanksgiving?"

He smiled back. "I've got the jet reserved."

That surprised me. "The jet?"

"Yeah. You weren't planning to _drive_ , were you?"

I laughed. "That's how we commoners travel. Can Lauren ride in the jet, too?"

"I was planning on it."

I waved goodbye; he pulled out with a smile on his face. It probably wouldn't last very long, but at least it was there for the moment. I sighed and went inside.

Never in a million years did I think I would feel sorry for Joon Shinwha. But there it was, nevertheless. I was beginning to understand his arrogance and his bullying. His mother seriously didn't want him to even have friends? It seemed outrageous, but he had said it with a perfectly straight face.

I went in and gave Lauren the lowdown on the evening, or at least, the part with his mother. "I've officially gone crazy. Why am I even dating him? There have got to be way nicer guys out there with way less baggage, right?"

Lauren smiled. "So why are you dating him?"

I thought a minute and grimaced at the hard truth. "I like him. I really, really like him."

Lauren laughed. "I know."

My cell phone dinged with a text message, so I pulled it out. It was Joon, saying "I'm sorry."

I showed it to Lauren. "A month ago I wouldn't have thought he had those words in his vocabulary."

Lauren grinned again. "Maybe he didn't, a month ago."

I thought about it. "You think he's changed from when we met him? I think we just got off to a bad start." I tried to compare my first impression of Joon with the guy I knew now. Had he changed or had I just gotten to know him better?

"Hmm. I wouldn't know, but YooJin thinks he's changed a lot since meeting you." Lauren folded her arms and looked at me pointedly.

"You have a lot of conversations with YooJin for someone who's not interested in him," I said mildly.

"We were forced to spend time together, so we talked. Don't change the subject."

"Too late," I said, and threw a pillow at her for good measure. She laughed and threw it back.

I went back to my phone texted Joon, "See you tomorrow?" He responded with a thumbs up, so I started getting ready for bed.

The next day I asked Joon what happened with his mother. He was evasive, but I was persistent.

Finally he said, "I lied to her; I don't want you to be mad."

I was puzzled. "What did you lie about?"

"I told her we're not serious, that I'm just dating you for fun. After graduation I'll go home and marry whoever she chooses." He grimaced, waiting for my reaction.

Still puzzled, I said, "Well, that's true enough, right?"

But Joon was offended, and said, "What do you mean?"

I laughed and said, "I'm nineteen years old! Of course we're just dating for fun! I'm not looking for a husband. You told me from the beginning you would have an arranged marriage . . . ." I trailed off as I realized what Joon was saying. He's _not_ dating for fun? He's serious? I tried to read his face, but all I could see there was irritation. "Wait, are you saying . . ."

Joon interrupted quickly, "No, no! I'm not saying that. I was just afraid you'd be mad." Then he changed the subject. I kept trying to come back around to it, but he resolutely refused to discuss it any further.

I kept thinking about it, though. How serious was he? Was I kidding myself that we were just dating for fun? I tried to test my own feelings. How would I feel when he got married to someone else? Hmm. I wouldn't be happy, but at this moment it didn't feel like it would be the end of the world, either. Truthfully, I didn't want to marry him. I enjoyed his company, but that was here, in America. What would I do in Korea, when I didn't even speak Korean?


	6. Chapter 6

The Wednesday afternoon before Thanksgiving we flew in Joon's jet to Tulsa. I wondered if Joon was nervous, but if so, he didn't show it. I would be a nervous wreck if I was flying to Korea to meet his family, but I didn't say anything.

Lauren, though, decided to help. "Hey, Joon, has Jandi given you the rundown on all the family members you're going to meet tomorrow?"

I giggled. Joon had made it plain he thought Thanksgiving involved only my parents and Sam. I hadn't told him he would be meeting my whole extended family; I figured for once he could be the one shocked and surprised.

Sure enough, Joon looked at me suspiciously and asked "What do you mean?"

Lauren was enjoying herself. "Jandi, who all is coming this year?"

I smiled at Lauren. "Pretty much everyone. A few cousins can't make it."

Joon was getting irritated. "Who's everyone?"

I acted innocent. "Oh, I didn't tell you? Let's see . . . my dad has a brother and a sister – I have six cousins on that side and two of them are married with kids of their own. Then mom has a sister with three kids, and one of those is married with kids. Not everyone's coming, but we should have a pretty good crowd."

Joon's mouth gaped open, and I enjoyed the moment.

Lauren wasn't done, though. "I hope you know how to play football."

Joon was puzzled. "Football? American football?"

I laughed, but I was beginning to feel sorry for him. "We play a family game of football on Thanksgiving. But you don't have to play." I turned to Lauren and said, "That's enough; stop it!"

She laughed. "One more thing!" She turned to Joon. "You're a fan of OU _and_ OSU. Don't pick one or the other, whatever you do."

Joon looked at me and said, "OU? OSU?"

I explained, "They're the big colleges in Oklahoma, and there's a big divide in the family according to which college people attended. You don't want to be on one side or the other." I glared at Lauren and said, "But really, it's not that big of a deal."

Poor Joon looked so dazed. I wondered if that's how I had looked on the way to Mexico.

Our parents were all there waiting at the airport. It had been such a long time, and it felt good to get a hug from mom and dad. Even Sam gave me a hug, which for him was an extravagant display of emotion. My mom, the typical American mother, grabbed Joon in a hug too. His look of shock was pretty entertaining. My dad just gave him a handshake and a pat on the back.

Soon we had all the luggage loaded in the minivan and we crowded in for the ride home. Joon and I sat in the far back row, and poor Joon looked like an accordion as he folded up to fit in the space. His knees were practically touching his chin. I kept trying not to giggle, but he knew I was amused and kept sending me murderous looks. I tried to get a picture with my phone, but he snatched it away from me before I could.

Thankfully we didn't live that far from the private airport so it wasn't that long before we turned in the driveway. I looked at my home, trying to see it through Joon's eyes. Compared to his mansion, our home was teeny tiny, although I never would have described it that way before meeting Joon. It was a 4-bedroom, 3-bath home set on a couple of grassy acres. Not too fancy by Tulsa standards, but certainly not shabby either. We pulled into the garage and Joon started salivating over Dad's Mustang. Dad loved to show off his Mustang, so the two of them plus Sam started discussing cars while mom and I unloaded luggage.

As soon as we were inside alone, Mom started in. "Is he your boyfriend yet?"

I rolled my eyes as we took Joon's luggage to the guest bedroom. "No, mom, we're just dating. It's not really a boyfriend/girlfriend thing."

Mom laughed. "What's the poor guy got to do? He flew you home in a private jet!"

Talk about hypocrisy – if my eyes could roll further back in my head they would. "Mom, you despise conspicuous consumption! What's worse than a private jet?"

Mom laughed and gave me a hug. "When it brings my baby girl home, there's nothing better."

Dad and Joon came in then with the rest of Joon's luggage. Mom and Dad made a not-so-discreet exit. He looked around; it was a normal size bedroom for a normal size house. "This room is the size of my bathroom."

I sighed. Joon the charmer was back. "Yeah, well, it's your bathroom that's weird, not our guest room. You can fly right back to college anytime you want."

Joon looked around. "No, I like it. Where's your room?"

"Come on," I said. "But just so you know, I'm locking my door tonight."

He laughed, and I led him through the kitchen and living room and up the stairs. Mom had hung baby pictures of Sam and me in our Korean hanboks through the years along the stairwell. Joon stopped and perused the photos, smiling.

"Tell Alfred I'm still waiting to see your baby photos," I said.

Joon grinned at me and said, "Not happening."

I laughed and we continued up the stairs. "Whatever. I think Alfred likes me better than you. He'll show 'em to me."

Joon's protest was cut short as we entered my room and he started to look around. It was a smallish bedroom, filled with relics of my childhood: tae kwon do belts, swim trophies, and pictures from trips and activities. My twin bed, desk, and dresser filled almost all the available space. I sat at the desk and watched him looking at my stuff. His tall frame seemed even taller in this little room.

He stopped short at a picture I had tacked on the wall. It showed rows of Korean kids and had an embossed "Korea Camp" at the bottom. Joon pointed and said, "Korea Camp?"

I grinned; I figured that one would catch his attention. "Yeah, I go every summer. I was a camper when I was little but now I'm a counselor. It's a camp for Korean adoptees to learn about Korea."

Joon laughed and said, "What?"

I laughed too. "It sounds weird telling you, but it's lots of fun."

Joon looked at me quizzically. "What do you learn about Korea?"

"You eat Korean food, learn some Korean language phrases, play Korean drums, learn tae kwon do, that sort of thing."

Joon nodded thoughtfully.

Just then my mom hollered up the stairs, asking if we were hungry.

"I forgot to tell you," I said, "Mom's love language is food. Hope you're hungry."

Sure enough, Mom had fixed enough dinner to feed us all three or four times over. As Joon ate she kept piling more food on his plate; there was no way he could ever eat it all and he kept shooting me panicked looks every time she did it. I bit my lip to keep from laughing, but finally intervened. "He has enough food, Mom," I said, and I grabbed her arm to keep her from loading another spoonful of green beans on his plate.

She turned to Joon. "Are you sure? I don't want you to be hungry."

He nodded and thanked her, and we were finally able to finish dinner.

The rest of the evening was spent preparing for all the guests the next day, arranging enough tables and chairs for everyone to sit and eat, setting out ice chests for drinks, and setting up the turkey fryer. Joon had never seen one before, so he and dad discussed all the finer points of turkey frying.

The next morning came quickly. We had perfect Thanksgiving weather, clear and cool. We all ate breakfast and then hurried around with last-minute preparations. When the doorbell rang with the first family arrival, Joon and I were the closest to the door, so mom motioned for us to answer. I took a big breath and opened the door; Aunt Amy blew in.

"JANDI!" she screeched, and grabbed me in a big hug. "Oh, it's so good to see you! And this must be your new boyfriend from college," she said, turning to Joon.

I interrupted with, "Actually, we're just dating . . ." but she completely ignored me and kept talking as she grabbed Joon in a big hug, too. His eyes bulged out in surprise.

She pulled back, still holding him by the arms, and peered up into his face. "Well, aren't you just the most handsome man I've ever seen! Good catch, Jandi. You hold onto this one," she said.

Joon grinned and added a "Yeah!" in my direction.

I rolled my eyes at him and suggested to Aunt Amy that Mom might need help in the kitchen. She bustled away, and I grabbed Joon's wrist and hauled him to the back porch where the turkey fryer had been set up.

As we walked he leaned over and said in my ear, "I thought American girls don't do wrist grabs?"

I let go and turned. "I'm rescuing you. Do you really want to stand at the front door and meet every single relative as they arrive?"

Joon looked at me innocently and said, "Why not? Aunt Amy was nice."

I said, "Ok, be my guest. But I have to help Mom in the kitchen so you're on your own."

He smiled and said, "Out here is nice too."

I laughed. "All the guys will end up out here watching the turkey fry." Sure enough, as I was talking Dad came out with the oil for the fryer, with an uncle and cousin in tow. We made introductions all around, and I left Joon with Dad.

The morning was busy with food preparations, so I only caught glimpses of Joon. Once I went to take a trash bag out and saw him playing basketball in the driveway with some of my cousins' kids. He lifted little four-year-old Henry up to make a basket and then set him on his shoulders for a victory dance. The adults all laughed and cheered, and Henry was delighted. I smiled, too, and gave Joon a little wave before heading back inside.

Finally it was time to eat, and I found Joon as the family crowded into the kitchen and living room to say the blessing. Everyone held hands as Dad blessed the food, and then Joon was asked to go through the buffet first. I followed, and we filled our plates with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet potatoes, bread, and cranberry sauce. We went and sat down amid some good-natured teasing from my relatives.

"You ok?" I asked Joon. "I haven't seen you much."

Joon grinned. "You missed me, huh?"

I pretended to stab his hand with my fork. "I just worry about you with my family."

Joon started cutting up his turkey and said, "I'm having fun." He gave me a charming grin. "All your relatives think you should marry me."

I took a bite, chewed, and said wryly, "Did you conduct a poll?"

He missed the sarcasm and responded seriously, "No, they just kept telling me that."

After dinner everyone pitched in to clean up, and then it was time for the family football game in the backyard. Traditionally Dad and his brother, Uncle Dan, were captains for the opposing teams. Both teams would include a mix of adults, teens, and young children, which sometimes made it a challenge. The outcome was usually determined more by luck than skill, but that didn't stop everybody from smack talking about it for the next year.

I usually played, but I was ready to sit out this year since I had a guest. Joon, however, with his competitive streak, was ready to go, even though he'd never actually played American football. He said he'd played rugby and that was close enough. We both got chosen for Dad's team and joined the huddle.

We won the coin toss, and Dad decided to appoint Sam as quarterback. The first play would involve a simple handoff to my eight-year-old cousin Avah. It was a good strategy, because Uncle Dan's team let Avah run for a bit before they tagged her out, so we got a first down. From there we got our first touchdown with a pass from Sam to Joon in the end zone.

The game progressed evenly, touchdown for touchdown, until the last few minutes, when Uncle Dan's team made a touchdown which resulted in a tie, 30-30. We had the ball, but not much time. A touchdown would win the game; otherwise we would tie.

Dad decided to try a pass from Sam to Joon, but there was no way Joon could catch it in the end zone; he'd have to catch it and run it in. We lined up for the play, and at first everything went flawlessly. Sam made the pass, Joon caught it, and he was running fast to the end zone when little Henry darted out, blocking the path. Joon dodged right to get around him, but Henry reached out and grabbed his leg, holding on for dear life. Joon did a crazy hop-leap maneuver trying not to fall, but down he went, managing not to crush Henry but fumbling the ball in the process. Uncle Dan grabbed the ball and ran it all the way to the other end of the field for a touchdown. The opposing team went crazy, lifting Henry up and calling him the hero of the game. Joon just lay there, pounding the grass with a fist.

I went to help Joon up and offered my condolences. He tried to protest the legality of Henry's tackle, but I just laughed at him. The rest of the team came up to congratulate him on a good game, and he was forced to accept the loss gracefully.

Soon the day was over. All the relatives had left, all the dishes were done, and all the leftovers were packed away. Mom, Dad, and Sam were watching a TV show; Joon and I went out in the backyard to talk. It was a beautiful clear night, and since we lived out in the country with relatively few trees, you could see all the stars like a huge canopy overhead.

I sat on one of the swings of our old childhood swing set and said, "So what'd you think? My family's crazy, huh?"

Joon sat in the other swing, smiling. "Is it always like that?"

I wondered which part he was asking about. "Like what?"

Joon thought a minute. "So many people, all the food, all the kids."

"Yeah, it was pretty typical."

Joon turned to face me. "Your whole life, you've had holidays like this?"

I still wasn't sure where he was going with this line of questioning. "Mm-hmm. Why? How do you spend the holidays?"

"Alone with Hera and the servants."

I didn't know what to say, and I realized he had a whole life completely outside of me that I knew nothing about. The silence stretched out until Joon said, "I didn't know what family was . . . but now I'm getting it."

He had a look of longing on his face, and I thought how ironic it was that the former orphan knew what family meant while the wealthy heir had no idea. I hated the pain on his face as he gazed off into the distance.

Joon spoke again. "Can I come back?"

I laughed. Here was a chance to cheer him up. "You could probably move in permanently as far as my parents are concerned."

Joon looked at me seriously. "I'm not joking." He got up from the swing and kneeled in front of me, taking my hands in his. "I want to come here again – with you." He leaned in and kissed me. I was so surprised I just froze, my eyes wide open. Then my brain kicked in – this is your first kiss, remember it, stupid – so I closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt everything just click into place. That off-kilter, earthquake feeling I'd been experiencing since I met Joon stabilized and the earth became solid under my feet again. Too soon he pulled back and looked in my eyes. What was this, and was he feeling it too?

He got up, pulled me to my feet and wrapped me in his arms. My heart and mind were churning. I could _not_ be falling in love here. That was not how this went. But – it felt so right here next to him, like a long search had finally ended.

We went inside and said goodnight, but sleep was a long time coming. I knew I would have to say goodbye to Joon eventually, but all of a sudden that seemed impossible.

The next morning I woke up and resolved to act like nothing had happened. I would just enjoy the time we had and not worry about the future. I had planned to show Joon some sights around Tulsa, avoiding the Black Friday crowds as much as possible. I asked Dad if we could drive the Mustang, and he agreed as long as I was the one driving. Joon was disappointed, but I knew my way around Tulsa, so it made more sense for me to drive.

I grabbed my purse and we got in the car. Joon looked at me in surprise and said, "You can drive a manual?"

I laughed as I put on my sunglasses. "I'm an Okie girl. Of course I can drive a stick." I put all my weight on the clutch and shoved it in reverse – both the clutch and shifter were ridiculously heavy – and backed down the driveway.

I pulled out of the neighborhood and up to the light that would take us onto the highway. I looked over at him. "You ready?"

Puzzled, he said, "For what?"

The light turned green and I nailed the gas. The Mustang roared as I quickly shifted through the gears from first to fifth, accelerating to highway speed and merging into traffic. I glanced over at Joon and laughed out loud at the look of shock and admiration on his face.

Our first stop was the Golden Driller statue at the Tulsa Fairgrounds. I pulled in, parked across from the Driller's shoes, and killed the engine. Joon was still sitting there in shock. Finally he reached over and grabbed my right hand off the shifter. "You are so beautiful."

I laughed. "Are you talking to me or the car right now?"

Joon let out a huff, leaned forward, pecked a kiss on my lips, and said, "Shut up."

I did. I was so surprised I couldn't have said anything if I wanted to. What was that? Was he just going to kiss me all the time now? My face must have shown my shock and confusion, because Joon laughed and tugged my hand, saying "Let's go."

We got out and took the obligatory selfies with the Golden Driller, one posing on his shoes and one looking up at his face.

From there we got back in the car and went to the downtown area. I had done my showing off, so this time I drove more sedately. I think Joon was a little disappointed, but he didn't say anything. We paid for a parking garage, and walked from there.

Joon grabbed my hand and looked at me to see what I would do. I just smiled and squeezed his hand; he grinned back. We walked around looking at the buildings. I always loved looking inside the older buildings and seeing the beautiful art deco details, still preserved from the oil boom of the twenties. We saw the huge historic bank vault in the basement of the BOK building, and the entrance to one of the tunnels that used to connect the buildings underground.

Since we were already downtown, I took Joon to the Coney Island hot dog restaurant for lunch. It was Tulsa's first fast food restaurant, and kind of an institution in the area. We ordered several varieties of coneys since Joon had never had one before. Rather than tables, the restaurant had old-fashioned wooden school desks to eat on. Joon shook his head and muttered something about "America!" when he saw them, but he gamely squeezed into one and we ate, trying not to drip chili and cheese everywhere.

After eating we headed back home to help Mom and Dad set up for the bonfire party that night. They had invited a bunch of my high school friends and some of Sam's friends as well, and we would have a big weenie roast with s'mores over a bonfire in the backyard.

As dusk fell our friends started showing up. I introduced Joon as my friend from college. It was good to see my high school friends, and I was soon deep in conversations about college and majors and life plans. Joon stayed near me, not contributing much but just hanging out and listening in.

I had just turned to Joon to make sure he wasn't bored out of his mind when I heard a distinctive voice behind me.

"Jandi James, you finally came home for a visit!"

Ugh, Tiernan. I couldn't stand that guy; who invited him here? I grimaced at Joon, then pasted a smile on my face and turned around to face Tiernan. I grabbed Joon's hand and said, "Tiernan, nice to see you. This is my boyfriend, Joon."

A big smile spread across Joon's face, and I would have felt bad about using him, but I don't think he cared. He let go of my hand, instead putting his arm around my shoulders, and then kissed the top of my head. "Tiernan, it is _so_ nice to meet you!"

Joon pumped Tiernan's hand with his free one while Tiernan glared at him. Finally Tiernan wandered off to find someone else to bother.

After he left, Joon whispered, "Ex-boyfriend?"

I rolled my eyes. "He wishes."

Joon must have liked that answer, because he smiled even wider and kept his arm firmly planted on my shoulder.

After that the party went smoothly. I taught Joon how to roast a hot dog on the fire and how to make s'mores. On his first try he caught the marshmallows on fire and panicked; I showed him how to blow them out, and then we ate them anyway. The second time he did better, roasting the marshmallows to a perfect golden brown. We laughed as our s'mores fell apart in our hands. They were messy, but so good.

The evening wore on and gradually our friends started leaving. I was saying goodbye to Lauren and a few other girls when I heard Tiernan's arrogant voice behind me, addressing Joon.

"So you're the boyfriend of rice girl, huh?"

Everyone within hearing distance froze. I whipped around to see Joon's face; he was incredulous.

In a cold, quiet voice he said, "Excuse me?"

Tiernan leaned forward and whispered something in Joon's ear. Unfortunately I knew the gist of what was being said; Tiernan had whispered in my ear on occasion too, always evil racist filth about his preference for Asian girls. Joon's eyes narrowed and a look of pure anger came over his face. I had heard somewhere that all the KP4 guys knew how to fight, but now I saw the evidence. Without warning Joon's fist crashed into Tiernan's jaw and Tiernan staggered backwards. Joon advanced on him, punching and kicking. Tiernan kept trying to defend himself, but Joon would just block it and keep punching. Finally Dad ran in and held Joon back. My feet had been frozen in place, but seeing Dad broke the spell, and I ran to help.

Joon was still trying to get to Tiernan, but as I got there Dad said softly, "Enough. Good job, son. That's enough now." Dad looked Joon in the eyes, and Joon nodded and stopped. I grabbed Joon's hand and pulled him inside to get him away from the audience.

As we got inside I realized Joon's hands were cut and bleeding. I sat him down at the kitchen table and went to get bandages and a wet washcloth. I dabbed his hands with the washcloth and looked in his eyes; he was still tense and angry, ready to fight.

I said softly, "One hundred percent. Paid in full. I think I may owe you a little now."

I thought that would make him smile, but he completely ignored it. "How long has that guy been harassing you?"

"Long time," I said, trying to shrug it off as if it were no big deal.

Joon wasn't having it. "Why didn't you kick _him_ in the head?"

I gave him a quizzical look and said, "Uh, you told the whole college campus I was . . ."

"Joon! Are you ok?" Mom came bustling through the door, and I stopped before saying the word "pregnant." Mom and Dad didn't need to know all that. Still, here was the guy that had bullied me, now raging mad because I had been bullied by someone else.

Mom crouched down and looked at Joon's hands as I dabbed at them with the washcloth. "I am so sorry. We didn't invite that kid; I don't know how he knew about the party." She grabbed the antibacterial ointment and started smearing it on his cuts. "But honestly, I've wanted to beat the snot out of that guy for years."

I was shocked. "Mom!"

She rolled her eyes. "He's such a racist pig. I'm sure you didn't even tell us half the things he said to you." Then to Joon she said, "I'm sorry you had to hear that, though, and I'm sorry you got hurt." She grabbed the bandages out of my hand and started putting them on.

I caught Joon's eyes over Mom's bent head and smiled at him. He really couldn't do any wrong in this house. He looked back at me, somberly, and then finally gave a little smile.

The next day, Saturday, was our day to decorate for Christmas. Joon was astonished that we were decorating an entire month beforehand, but he pitched in and helped Dad and Sam tote boxes from the attic. Mom and I unpacked her angel collection, displaying it on the top of the bookcase, while the guys put together the artificial tree. When we were ready for the ornaments, Dad poured everyone a glass of eggnog and Mom played Christmas music on the stereo. Joon had never tasted eggnog before, and we all enjoyed his look of dismay when he tried it. I didn't really like it either, but for some reason we couldn't hang ornaments without it.

Soon we were all hanging ornaments on the tree, sharing stories of where and when each was purchased. Joon was having a great time; he had never decorated a tree before. He said the servants always decorated his family's tree. We delegated him to decorate the top since he was the tallest, and he took his responsibility very seriously. He would stand back to survey his work and then decide the exact right spot for the next ornament.

Finally we finished the ornaments and it was time for the silver icicle tinsel. We showed Joon our family technique of sprinkling a handful at a time, fanning them out as you go. He caught on quickly, and his enjoyment of it was contagious. Sam and I had become a little jaded about decorating for Christmas, but it was all new to Joon and he loved every minute.

The last step was putting the angel on top, and of course with Joon's enthusiasm we had to let him do it. I snapped a pic of him on my phone as he carefully placed the angel and grinned widely at me.

Suddenly I couldn't imagine decorating a Christmas tree without him there. It had been way more fun this year, but this would be the first and last time he could do it. The thought of losing him was becoming harder and harder, but I resolutely determined not to think about it. I would deal with that when the time came.


	7. Chapter 7

Joon's chauffeur had driven the three of us to the airport on our way out, but when we arrived back Joon's Ferrari was parked and waiting. YooJin was there with his supercar, too, obviously waiting for Lauren. I assumed Joon had arranged that since his Ferrari had only two seats. I squeezed her arm and whispered "Sorry!" as we walked down the stairs of the jet. I wished Joon had told me. I knew Lauren was tired of YooJin being assigned to take care of her.

Lauren nodded to me and then said to YooJin, who was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, "You know what? I can just take a taxi."

YooJin smiled charmingly and said, "Why? I have to drive back to the college anyway. I may as well have a beautiful woman in the passenger seat."

Lauren laughed. "Look, I just feel bad that Joon always asks you to babysit me."

I elbowed Joon and inclined my head to get him to listen to what they were saying. I was hoping he'd take a hint and quit throwing them together. Joon just shook his head at me and nodded at them, like he was telling _me_ to listen.

YooJin leaned close to Lauren and said, "What if he didn't ask me? What if _I_ asked _him_?"

Lauren's eyes widened. Mine did too, and I turned to Joon. He gave me a big smile and a nod. I hugged his arm as YooJin grabbed Lauren's luggage and walked her to his car.

I asked Joon, "When did he ask you that? Why didn't you tell me?" And then another thought occurred to me. "Hey, is YooJin good enough for her?"

Joon just grinned as we walked to his car. "He texted me right before we left. I couldn't tell you without telling Lauren." He opened the door for me and walked around to the driver's side and got in. "He's a good guy. Why do you think I was asking him to watch her all the time?"

I scowled. "Well, you can tell him I'll kick him in the head if he messes with her."

Joon laughed. "Ok."

We drove back to college and Joon pulled up in front of the dorm. Before I could get out, he grabbed my hand. I looked at him questioningly.

He said, "Can we cut the crap and admit we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

He was serious, but it was such a funny thing to say that I laughed out loud and responded, "Oh, we can definitely cut the crap." I gave him a teasing smile.

He scowled. "Yah! You're my girlfriend. End of discussion."

I smiled. "Ok."

He was completely surprised. "Ok?"

I nodded. "Ok."

He leaned forward and kissed me gently, then reached up and stroked my hair. We smiled at each other, and I turned to go.

Lauren didn't get back for several more hours. It turned out YooJin had taken her to his art studio and showed her some of his current projects. She was pretty reserved about it when I tried to ask her what happened.

"What's the deal?" I asked. "I couldn't believe he said that at the airport, but you're acting like it was no biggie."

Lauren thought about it. "He's just so charming, you know? He says stuff like that, but I don't think he really means it. I think he's kind of a player, and I don't want to be another notch on his belt."

I thought about the way YooJin had smiled at her. "Charming, but superficial?"

Lauren nodded. "Exactly."

"Hmm. So are you going to go out with him again?"

Lauren buried her head in her hands. "I don't know. I think he might be worth getting to know, but if I ask him anything personal he clams up and changes the subject."

"You like him, don't you?" I could see she was struggling, which meant she must be interested.

She grimaced and nodded. "He's an amazing artist and a good listener. But I don't feel like I know him at all."

During the week I received a big box from my parents. I opened it to find a miniature artificial tree, decorated with lights and little ornament balls. I thought it was kind of a weird care package until I opened the card and the mystery was explained. It was actually for Joon, because he'd enjoyed decorating our tree so much. I smiled, anticipating how much he would love it, and packed the tree back in the box.

Lauren and I delivered the box to the KP4 room in the student center. Joon looked up as we came in and said, "What's that?"

I answered, "My mom sent this for you." Joon grinned, rushed over, and started unpacking the box. "She didn't send me anything, by the way. She sent a box to my address with a gift for you." I was trying to act irritated about it, but Joon didn't even notice.

YooJin had casually made his way to Lauren's side as we talked. Jai and Bin just watched, clearly entertained by the other two boys.

Joon pulled out the tree, delighted. "For me? From your mom?" He set the tree down and pulled out his phone, typing away.

I looked over his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

He said, "Saying thank you!"

I looked closer at his screen and saw "Mom James" listed. "You have my mom as a contact on your phone?"

Joon looked up, grinning. "She's on my favorites list."

I shook my head, exasperated. I picked up the tree and asked the guys, "Where do you want this thing?"

Joon hit send and snatched the tree out of my hand. "It's mine!" We all laughed, and he looked around for the perfect place. Finally he set it on a table along the wall and plugged it in. He stepped back and admired it, then gave me a big hug. "Come look at it anytime you want."

I laughed again. "That's ok. You're way happier with it than I would have been."

Joon said earnestly, "No, really, I think you should come and check on the tree as often as possible." He looked at Lauren and YooJin. "And Lauren, too, right, YooJin?"

YooJin smiled. "Smooth, Joon, thanks."

Joon asked me to come back to the KP4 room after dinner to admire the tree. When I opened the door he had rearranged the couches around the tree instead of the TV. The lights were off; only the tree lights lit the room. Joon was sitting on the couch with his feet on a low table, just staring at the tree, but he turned around with a big smile when he saw me.

He patted the couch. I left some space between us and sat down beside him. I stared at Joon's face in the dim lights, but he was completely absorbed in his little tree. He couldn't take his eyes off it, smiling that little boy smile. I wondered what his childhood had been like that this little tree made him so happy. I thought about next Christmas, when he would be home in Korea, and I tried to imprint the look on his face in my mind so I could remember it.

Finally I scooted in next to him and laid my head on his shoulder. He grabbed my hand and twined our fingers together. I watched the twinkly lights and savored the moment: the feel of his shoulder beneath my head, the warmth of his hand in mine. These were not mine to enjoy forever, so I wanted to really enjoy it today.

Joon kissed the top of my head, and I tilted my face up to look at him. He bent down and kissed my lips right as his phone started to ring. He let out a sigh, dug out his phone, looked at the caller ID, and answered in Korean.

Almost immediately he sat up straight, then turned and looked at me with wide, stressed eyes. He started talking in agitated Korean. Finally he hung up and said, "My dad's had a heart attack. I have to go home."

I sat up straight, too. "What? Is he ok?"

Joon looked around, a little lost. "I don't know. I have to go. I'll call you later." He gave me a little peck on the lips and rushed out.

I said "Ok" to the empty room and sat down again to stare at the little tree. I didn't even know what his dad looked like. For Joon's sake I hoped he was ok. After awhile my phone dinged with a text. It was from Joon: "Sorry I have to leave so suddenly. I'll be back. Wait for me. I love you."

He loved me? I was so surprised I kept reading it over and over. We weren't supposed to be in love. We were just dating, having fun – this thing was supposed to be casual. Didn't he know that? How could he go marry someone else if he loved me? Finally it occurred to me I needed to respond. What would I say? Did I love him? I thought about the rightness I felt when I was with him. Every time he kissed me it was like a puzzle piece clicking into place. I thought about his face earlier that evening, and my grief at this being our one and only Christmas together. Yes, this was love. I loved Joon Shinwha.

I stared at the little tree while the thought went round and round in my head. I love Joon Shinwha. I love Joon Shinwha. How did this happen? _I love him_. This wasn't supposed to happen. _I love him_. He's leaving. _I love him_. Should I tell him? _I love him_. What a mess. Ugh, _I love him_. How did this happen?

I must have fallen asleep on the couch; I awoke the next morning when the lights were abruptly flipped on. Jai, YooJin, and Bin all came in, then stepped back in surprise as I sat up, sleepy, on the couch.

YooJin gasped, saying, "You're here! Lauren's been worried sick. We couldn't find you."

I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus as I remembered the events of the night before. I explained that I must have fallen asleep on the couch, and then as I woke up further I grabbed my phone to see if Joon had texted me again. Twenty missed calls from Lauren, but nothing else from Joon. I stood up and asked the guys if they had heard anything. YooJin was texting Lauren about me; the other two looked guilty and embarrassed.

"What?" I asked. "What happened?"

Jai gave a big sigh. "Joon's and Hera's dad passed away last night. Joon's still on the plane and doesn't know yet." Jai looked away, pained.

I sat down again in shock. I thought about how I would feel if my Dad died, and shut my eyes as the tears formed. Oh, poor Joon, he didn't even know yet. I wished I could hold his hand and comfort him, but I couldn't even attend the funeral.

Jai came and sat down beside me. "Jandi, there's more." Puzzled, I waited. "Since he only has one semester of school left, his mom has already made special arrangements for him to finish in Korea so he can go ahead and take over his Dad's job."

All of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I shut my eyes, forcing air in and out of my lungs. I said, "He's not coming back," and opened my eyes. Jai nodded reluctantly. I looked around, tears smarting my eyes, and made some pathetic excuse as I ran for the door. I needed to be alone; I needed to think. I needed to get away from the KP4 guys with their sad eyes and pitying looks.

I stumbled out the door and made my way to the pond, sitting on my favorite bench. First things first, I thought, and pulled out my phone. I texted Joon back – "I love you too. I'm so sorry about your Dad. Please call me when you can." Even if I never saw him again I wanted him to know I loved him. I had been hesitating last night, worrying about the effects of saying it and then trying to break up in May. But if we were breaking up now it didn't matter anymore, and I wanted him to know how I felt.

I stared at the water and recalled his face lit by Christmas tree lights last night, how happy he had been. I looked at my watch; I should have asked the guys when his plane would arrive so I'd know when to expect a call. What could I possibly say to him? Nice knowing you, have a good life? I'd known all along it would end, but I thought we had a few more months. Gradually my thoughts stilled and I just stared at the water, clutching my phone as if I could make it ring by holding it tightly.

Lauren found me there and walked me back to our dorm room. She tucked me into bed, but I refused to let go of my phone, so she just left it in my hand. Eventually I fell asleep.

I don't remember much about the events of the next week, other than the feel of my phone clutched in my hand. I never let go of it, waking or sleeping. My parents heard from Lauren and called to check on me. Lauren called several times a day as I mechanically attended classes. But I never once heard from Joon. I texted him over and over: "Are you ok?" "I miss you." "Please let me know you're ok." "I love you." And even a desperate, "Where are you?" I would call just to hear his voice on the message, but I never spoke because I didn't know what to say.

The KP4 guys had gone to Korea to attend the funeral. The day they returned, about a week after Joon had left, was the day I finally gave up. Lauren went to see them, and came back with the dismal news that they had never been allowed to visit Joon alone. His mother had him on lockdown, surrounded by bodyguards. Hera confirmed that he still had his cell phone, but no one knew why he wasn't returning my messages.

My cell phone was still clutched in my hand, where it had been for the past week. He had received my messages and chosen not to contact me. I thought maybe his mom had taken his phone; it never occurred to me he just wasn't answering. Couldn't he at least call to say goodbye? Apparently he couldn't be bothered. I sent him one last text, "Goodbye." Then I set the phone down.

I tried to lose myself in classes, but I was mostly lost in grief. Each day was a struggle to get out of bed. I would force myself to put one foot in front of the other, finish one task and then the next, before I could crawl in bed again. All I wanted to do was lose myself in the oblivion of sleep.

The weekend before finals I got a box from Mom. I opened it to find a handmade quilt done in dark plaid flannel squares. I had many quilts from Mom, so I wondered why she had made me another one. I wrapped it around my shoulders, enjoying the warmth and the softness of it, when I noticed a card in the box. I pulled it out and read, "Jandi, please get this to Joon. I was making it as a Christmas gift for him, but I want him to have it early. I'm sure he could use some comfort right now, and a warm quilt is the most comforting thing I can give him. Love, Mom." I shrugged the quilt off, feeling defeated. How could I get this to Joon?

Nevertheless, I took the box to Jai and we figured out a plan. He would send it to Hera, who would repackage the quilt in a Korean box, put some shirts or something on top of it, and then smuggle it to Joon.

I decided to write a letter for the box as well; it would be my last chance to say anything to him. I had some things to say, even if he didn't. I thought and thought about what to write, but finally sat down and just wrote the first things that came into my head:

Dear Joon,

I'm sorry about your father. I realize now there is so much I don't know about you. I wish I'd argued less and listened more. It was fun to argue with you, though.

Enclosed is a present from my Mom. She said it was supposed to be for Christmas; she had already started making it before all this happened and she wanted you to have it. I'll imagine the smile you'll have when you see it. It's even better than the tree, right? I was really worried about what I'd get you for Christmas, but I guess I'm off the hook now.

Joon, I'll miss you a lot but I'm ok. I hope you think of me sometimes. I will always remember you. I'm glad I had the chance to be, however briefly,

Yours, Jandi

I wondered if he would even read it. The whole box might go straight into the trash. That's what was nagging at me all the time. Did I make up the whole thing? Maybe he just played me for a fool and never had any feelings for me at all. If he really loved me, how could he just disappear?

Finally the semester ended and I was able to go home. Christmas Day I got a text from Jai that the box had been delivered successfully. I pictured Joon wrapped up in the quilt, and then as tears formed I quickly erased the picture from my mind. Mom had already seen, though, and pulled me aside.

"Jandi, I'm worried about you," she said.

I sniffled but refused to crumple. "Mom, I'll be fine. It was just unexpected. I'll get used to it."

She wrapped me in a hug. "You didn't get to say goodbye. Your Dad and I agree, if you want to go to Korea and just say goodbye to him, we'll pay for the trip. You need some closure."

I bit my lip to keep from crying. Even if I went to Korea I wouldn't be able to see him. It's not like his mother would welcome me into their home. I didn't want to go into all that, though, so I just said, "Thanks, Mom," and hugged her back.

Soon it was New Year's, and my resolution, of course, was to put Joon Shinwha behind me and start fresh. I was Jandi James, and I was not going to lie around and feel sorry for myself because of some idiot guy. I limited the number of hours I let myself sleep, and resolutely filled each day with busyness. I was relieved when it was time to return to school; I had added an extra class to my load so that I would always have something to do. I was sure I could forget if I just kept going long enough.

January turned to February and I was still slogging through each day as if I was up to my neck in mud. Everything took way more energy than it ever had before. I was making straight A's in all my classes, but I still found myself staring into space a lot and muttering under my breath.

As Valentine's Day approached I found it harder and harder to maintain the façade of normalcy. I was not a person who cried; I never gave myself permission. It just seemed like a waste of time and energy, and it wouldn't change anything. Even when Joon first disappeared I would stop myself if the tears came, never giving in. Finally, though, I decided maybe a good long cry would help. Maybe if I just cried it all out then I could shut that door and move on.

So one afternoon when I knew Lauren would be in class I got out my cell phone and went through all my photos of Joon. I hadn't looked at them since he left. There he was: glaring at me in Walmart, hanging out at the Golden Driller, and placing the star on top of our Christmas tree. There were others, too, quiet moments we had captured along the way. The tears came and I let them. It had been real. His face, looking at me – he had loved me all along. I hadn't made it up; he hadn't been playing me. It was real, and now it was gone. He was gone. I sobbed and sobbed.

I found out later that Lauren's class was cancelled and she walked in as I was crying. She must have been very quiet, because I never noticed. My sweet, sweet friend, who had never lost her temper about anything, went crazy that day, according to YooJin. She stormed into the KP4 room and screamed at them for not doing anything about Joon, for letting her best friend become so sad, for being rich, superficial guys and thinking they could just treat people however they wanted. YooJin said all three guys just stood there with their mouths open, unable to process Lauren getting angry. She stormed out the same way she had stormed in, and Bin, the only one of them able to speak, let out a small "Whoa." YooJin went after her and found her crying on the steps outside. He sat down with her, put his arm around her, and when she tried to talk, said "No, I'm a little scared of you right now. Don't talk." Ha! Poor YooJin. He took her to his studio and made her drink an entire cup of tea before he'd let her say anything. When he did let her talk, she just said "I'm sorry!" and burst into tears again.

Lauren told me later that calling YooJin superficial was actually the best thing that she could have done. He was offended, of course, but she countered with how little she actually knew about him. He was surprised she actually _wanted_ to know. After that day, YooJin and Lauren were constantly together. At the time, I noticed the difference but I was so lost in my own pain I didn't really register it.

February came to an end, and I was still struggling. There was an invisible fifty pound weight sitting on my shoulders all day, every day. I kept pushing, though, determined that one day I would wake up and feel better. Out of the blue, Mom called and announced she'd bought me round-trip tickets to Korea for spring break. "You can go or not go, but the money is spent either way. Even if you don't see Joon, just go and say a mental goodbye." It was a burden, but in a way I was glad to have something new to think about, a decision that had to be made. I kept going back and forth about whether it would help or make things worse.

Finally I decided to go. If I could just see Joon, without him seeing me, just see him as a working adult in a business setting, then maybe I could face the fact that the Joon I knew was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

Saturday morning of spring break I made it to the airport bright and early. I had a short flight to Chicago, and from there I would fly west to Incheon Airport in Seoul, a fourteen hour flight. I had brought some schoolwork to keep me busy; it would be a long trip.

I made it through security and settled in with a book at the gate, looking out the window at the airplane. I really didn't want to make small talk with anyone, so I was purposely facing away from the crowds. Finally they started boarding.

As I scanned my ticket to get on the plane, the flight attendant said, "Oh, you're Jandi James? You've been upgraded to first class. Please see the attendant in the plane for your new seat."

He handed my ticket back and I said, "No, there must be some mistake. I haven't upgraded to first class."

He looked at his computer screen and said, "It shows an upgrade. I have to keep the line moving. Please talk with the attendant on the plane."

Puzzled, I walked to the plane and showed my ticket to the attendant at the door. "Oh, yes, you're in first class now. Let me show you your seat."

I kept protesting, but she led me into first class and showed me my seat . . . next to Jai. I sighed and sat down.

Jai smiled and said, "Hey."

I smiled back. "Hey. Headed to Korea?"

He nodded, but didn't say anything else. I waited for him to ask what I was doing, but he just sat there reading his book. Finally I nudged him with my elbow and said, "Thank you." He nodded again.

We made it to Chicago, ate a late breakfast, and then boarded the plane for Korea. Jai had upgraded my ticket on this flight, too. He had avoided the topic of my traveling the whole morning, but about an hour into the Korea flight he sat his book aside and turned to me. "Do you have a plan at all?"

I knew what he meant without any more explanation. I put my book down as well. "No. I just thought if I could see him . . . see him doing whatever he does . . . then maybe he'd seem far enough away from me, and I could let him go. As it is I keep expecting him to pop out and grab my wrist and drag me somewhere. I just need to convince myself he's really gone . . . not just gone but a different person than the one I knew."

Jai nodded. "How are you going to see him, though?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I'll figure it out. Please don't tell Hera. I don't want to talk to him. I just want to see him."

Jai paused and then said, "Why?"

I had thought about this a lot. I said, "If he wanted to talk to me he could have. He's completely over me and I'm hanging on like a fool. I just need to say goodbye somehow."

Jai shook his head. "I don't think he's over you. Hera's tried to talk to him about you, and he gets furious if she mentions your name. I don't know why he never called, but I don't think it's because he's over you."

I closed my eyes, frustrated. He probably got furious because he _was_ over me but knew he'd been a complete jerk at the end. No need to argue about it with Jai, though. I opened my eyes and gave him a half-smile. He picked up his book and I picked up mine, and the rest of the flight passed uneventfully.

Tired and sore, we exited the plane. I was trudging along half asleep when all of a sudden I was face to face with Joon Shinwha. I gasped in surprise. I had almost run into an advertising marquee with Joon's life-size face plastered on it. I looked down the row of marquees; he was on all of them.

Jai grabbed my arm. "Are you ok?" I nodded. Jai said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know about this or I would have warned you."

I took a step back. "It's ok." I looked at Joon's plastic face, repeated over and over down the row. "No, it's good." After all, what did Jandi James, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, have to do with the guy on these advertisements? For the first time since December, I felt a little lighter. I got out my camera and took some selfies as I poked Joon in the eye and hit the side of his head with my fist. Jai laughed, and we continued to baggage claim.

We rounded up our luggage amid the watchful eyes of many Joon Shinwhas. I asked Jai what the advertisement said, and he explained that it was an announcement of Joon taking over his father's position in the company. They were trying to bolster confidence in the company by advertising Joon's good looks, or at least that's what Jai said.

We headed to customs, and I tried to convince Jai I could make it to Seoul on my own. I knew the citizen line would move much faster than the visitor line, and I didn't want him to have to wait on me. He insisted, however, and was there waiting when I finally got through. His chauffeur pulled up as we left the building and drove us to Seoul. I gave Jai the address to the hotel my parents had reserved. He had the chauffeur take us there, and even translated for me as I checked in.

I thanked him for all his help; he shrugged it off, leaving with a casual "See you." I found my room, took off my shoes at the door, wheeled my luggage in, and sank onto the bed. I texted my parents to let them know I was here and safe.

I was so tired after that long flight and all the travel. I knew I needed to stay awake to fight the jet lag, so I went out on the balcony for some fresh air. I stepped to the rail, looked out across the city, and started laughing. Directly across from my balcony was a huge electric billboard sitting on top of the building next door. It had a gigantic lit picture of Joon Shinwha on it. I laughed and laughed and then cried and laughed some more. It seemed so fitting, somehow, that I had come to see him, and now I couldn't even escape him if I tried. There couldn't have been a better metaphor for our relationship than that stupid billboard across from my balcony. He was totally, completely out of my reach.

I managed to stay awake until evening, and fell to sleep immediately. Unfortunately, I woke up at 2 am and couldn't sleep again. I remembered this from coming to Korea with my family; the jet lag really messed up our sleep for a long time. I went out on the balcony. It was a cool night but not too bad. There were two chairs and a table set up out there, so I sat in a chair and stared at Joon across the way. In my mind, I told him he looked ridiculous in that suit, and couldn't they do something better with his hair? I held up my hand and flicked him in the forehead.

I leaned my head back against the chair and remembered sitting next to Joon in the twinkly lights of the Christmas tree. I had been shutting out memories of Joon, but now, somehow, it was ok to let my mind go there. Instead of a sharp pain that hit me in the gut, the memories were more like a dull ache now. I was so mad at him, and at the same time all I wanted to do was curl up next to him. I imagined Joon's shoulder beneath my head instead of the hard, cold wood, and drifted quietly to sleep.

I woke up as the sky was beginning to lighten, and Joon's face was the first thing I saw. With a smile I said, "Morning, jerkface." I pulled my knees up to my chest and just gazed at him awhile. Finally I said sadly, "I still love you. I really need to stop, though. It's killing me." I stretched, sore from the hours sleeping in a wooden chair, and went inside for a shower.

My plan had been to find breakfast somewhere, but when I emerged from the hotel Jai was waiting for me with his car. I smiled and teased, "Don't you have a girlfriend you should be with?"

He reached into the car for a coffee and handed it to me. "She's working until this afternoon. Thought I'd see if you need a ride or a translator this morning."

I sipped the coffee and dug in my purse. "Thanks." I found the piece of paper with the address I was looking for. I pulled it out and gave it to him. It was completely in Korean; I had printed it off a website so I wasn't sure what it said. "This is where I want to go. Does it make sense?"

Jai read it and nodded. "Yeah, we can get there with these directions. What is it though?"

I smiled. "It's a place that gives me courage."

We got in the car and Jai gave the directions to the driver. Jai had brought French pastries to eat on the way, so we dug in and tried not to make a crumby mess in his car. I made a mental note that my next boyfriend was going to be thoughtful and considerate like Jai.

Soon we arrived at the orphanage that had placed me for adoption. My primary purpose in coming was to hold the babies; I knew that would give me some perspective for this thing with Joon. Before that, though, I wanted to check on my file. The orphanage kept files on every child. I knew my parents sent updates and pictures every year, with the idea that if my birth parents came to the orphanage they would be given the information. The orphanage was supposed to notify me if either of my birth parents came in for information, but I had been told I should double check while I was here because sometimes adoptees didn't get notified.

I explained to Jai what I wanted, and he translated my request. I had already written out my case number, Korean name, and birthdate. Jai said they would check my file and call my cell phone later in the day. I bowed and said "kam-sam-ni-da" – Korean for "thank you" – to the orphanage worker, and turned to Jai. "Ok. Next!"

I led Jai up the stairs to the Babies' Home. He said, "What are we doing now?"

I smiled and replied, "This is the courage part. You're going to love it."

I walked into the Babies' Home at the top of the stairs. I remembered the drill from being here before. I bowed to the woman at the desk and said, "Anyonghaseo! We would like to hold the babies." Poor Jai's mouth dropped and he took a step back. The woman smiled and ushered us into a washroom.

Jai elbowed me and said, "Hold babies? I can't hold a baby!"

I smiled as I washed my hands to prevent the spread of germs. "It's easy. I'll show you."

He started washing his hands, still protesting. I told him if he really didn't want to he didn't have to, but did he know these babies didn't get held very much? I explained how much babies need to be held to develop properly, and that even though the nannies at the orphanage did their best, these babies wouldn't get held nearly as much as a baby in a family would. He glared at me, but followed the nanny into one of the rooms.

Cribs lined the walls, with a few chairs in the middle of the room. The nanny gestured for us to sit and brought us each a baby to hold. I showed Jai how to hold the baby and support the head, but he was sitting stiffly, like he was afraid to move.

I laughed at him. "You're fine! Just relax. Talk to her." I bent down over my baby, smiling and cooing at him. The baby smiled back and kicked his legs a little.

Jai was less stiff, but still not relaxed. "Why are we here again?"

I cooed at the baby again. "Because holding babies makes me happy." I glanced over at him and laughed. "And watching _you_ hold a baby makes me laugh."

Jai just glared, so I tried to explain. "I wanted some perspective. I wanted to remember that there are big problems in the world, way bigger than getting dumped. I'm going to say goodbye to Joon, and then I'm going to finish my degree and work to help babies like these." I leaned down and kissed my baby's cheek, rubbing my face against his. I added in baby talk, "Yes, I am! Oh, yes I am!"

I looked back at Jai; he nodded and for the first time looked at his baby as a human being. He smiled at her and she smiled back. We held the babies for awhile, and I remembered my first visit here and my subsequent decision to become a social worker. There were bigger things on this earth than Joon Shinwha. I would be ok without him. I had things to do.

Jai had to meet Hera for lunch, so we left the orphanage and I thanked him for all he had done. He wanted to bring me to lunch with Hera, but I declined. It was time to face Joon, but I didn't tell Jai that. Jai rode off in his car, and I set off down the sidewalk, consulting my tourist map for the best route.

I stood on the sidewalk and looked up, up, up at the towering skyscraper with the English word "Shinwha" at the very top. Wow. Joon owned this building and everything in it. His office was probably at the very top of this skyscraper. This thought actually made me feel better. My Joon was delighted with a mini Christmas tree; he wasn't a tycoon sitting at the top of a skyscraper. Whoever this Joon was, he wasn't the Joon I knew, and if the Joon I knew had ceased to exist, then I could finally say goodbye.

I walked in the lobby. Men and women in business attire rushed around with briefcases talking on cell phones. There was a desk with security guards you had to pass before you could get on the elevators to reach the top of the building; the guards were checking for employee IDs. As I glanced around I noticed a group of Caucasians in the corner of the lobby. I walked over to see what they were doing just as a woman with a Shinwha nametag joined the group.

In a thick accent, she announced, "This is the English language tour of the Shinwha Building." Then she looked directly at me and repeated, "English?"

I nodded and said, "English, yes." She was clearly surprised by my accent, but turned back to the group. She gave some information about the lobby area and the building in general before leading the group to the elevators. The security guards searched our purses and checked our IDs. They checked my ID several times, muttering in Korean, and they even called someone about it, but eventually they let me through with the group.

As we got into the elevator the tour guide told us we would be going to the executive suites first. She launched into a litany of praise for "young Joon Shinwha" who was saving the company and all of Korea by extension. I rolled my eyes; it really was no wonder he was so arrogant. The elevator opened into a little lobby area, modern and sleek. A large door of polished steel led into the executive suite. The tour guide pulled it open and put her finger to her mouth as she gestured for us to follow her quietly.

I was at the back of the group, following along, but just completely lost my nerve as I walked toward that big door. I couldn't do this. What if he saw me? What would I say? I looked pathetic, coming here like this. I'd just say goodbye to the billboard. That was good enough. I stopped at the threshold, frozen, and then turned around quickly to leave. Head down, I made a beeline for the elevators, and ran right into someone.

I looked up; it was a suit-clad businessman, clearly busy. I said "Sorry!" in English; I didn't know the Korean for that. The man bowed and I bowed back. When I came up from the bow I noticed Joon directly behind the man I had run into, staring at me. I froze. He was not supposed to see me. The plan was, I would see him but he would not see me. He stared but didn't move to greet me or even smile. After a few seconds he turned and walked into the office; the men with him followed and I was left alone in the lobby.

I rushed to the elevator, pounding the button to go down. Please, please, take me out of here. Finally the elevator came and I made my way through the main lobby and out to the street. There I found a bench and sank onto it with relief. I sat unseeing as traffic and pedestrians bustled by. I had seen Joon and he had seen me, but he didn't even acknowledge me. The look on his face would be burned into my memory forever. I had been right – that was not my Joon anymore. I didn't know what had happened, but my Joon was indeed gone. I could say goodbye and not worry or wonder about him anymore. Whoever he was now, he wasn't mine.

I sat there awhile, just sifting through the memories and letting them all go, one by one. Finally I stood up and turned back to the Shinwha building. I went right up to the stone façade and placed my palm on it. I felt a little self-conscious, but I did it anyway. I said out loud, "Anyong-hee-kye-se-oh," a formal Korean goodbye. I felt the cold, thick stone beneath my hand. Then I added in my head, "Goodbye, Joon. You're staying; I'm leaving. Goodbye."

I turned to leave, but was startled to see the same businessman I had almost run into upstairs standing there watching me. I bowed, and he bowed back, but then he turned away.

I headed back to the subway, my heart a million times lighter. I was still really sad, but I knew for sure that the relationship was over. I didn't have to wonder anymore if he would call. I even felt a little sorry for him. He had every material thing in the world, but he'd had more fun with my family than he'd ever had anywhere else. I knew, deep down, that someday he would really regret his decision to cut me out of his life. I wasn't going to wait around for him, though. As I rode in the subway I pulled my phone out and deleted Joon's number from my contact list. I also sent Mom a text saying, "It's over. I'm ok. Call you later."

I rode the subway back to the hotel. It was late afternoon, and I hadn't eaten yet, so I ducked into a McDonald's I saw on the way. I liked Korean food, but I just wanted something fast. There was the usual confusion at the counter; they didn't understand why I couldn't speak Korean, but eventually they understood what I wanted. I sat in a corner and ate my burger and fries. It was weird to think what my life might have been like if I'd grown up in Korea. The life I had in America sometimes seemed like such a quirk of fate.

I had walked back to the hotel and was letting myself into the room when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but the caller identified herself as a social worker at the orphanage. I had to really listen to understand her stilted English and thick accent, but finally received the news that my birth mother had been to the orphanage and checked my file about six months ago. She didn't leave a message or any contact information, but she had been given all the photos and updates.

In a daze, I put my phone on the charger in the bedroom and went out to the balcony. I moved the chair so Joon would not be in my line of sight; I'd had enough of his face for one day. With the cool Seoul breeze blowing on me, I stared out at the skyline. My birth mother had checked my file. She knew what I looked like. If I passed her on the street while I was here she might recognize me. She knew about tae kwon do and swim. She knew my major and where I was going to college.

I looked out on the city, lost in thought, as the afternoon slowly turned to evening. I still knew next to nothing about her or my birth father. I wondered why she didn't leave any message or contact information. I always thought someday I would search for my birth parents, but I'd heard so many stories about the difficulties involved that I'd decided to wait until after college to do it. I just wanted my college years to be fun and carefree. It hadn't worked out that way, of course, but that had been my goal. Now, though, I wondered. Maybe I should start the search process. Just knowing she cared enough to get the information made me completely rethink everything.

Night fell and the city lights started coming on, one by one. It was getting chilly, but I still couldn't bring myself to move. I felt a new connection to my birth mother, and somehow if I got up from this place it would be severed. So I continued to sit, until I heard Joon's voice calling my name.

My first reaction was to look at the billboard, but no, obviously giganto-Joon was not the one calling. I decided I must be hearing things. I had skipped dinner, so maybe that was making me a little loony. The voice kept calling, and I had just decided to get up and see if it was real, when Joon burst out onto the balcony.

"Jandi! Where have you been? Are you ok?"

Surprised and a little angry, I responded, "Do you own this hotel too? How did you get into my room?"

Joon rolled his eyes. "The manager let me in because you're not answering your phone. You set off a security alert at Shinwha today, and I was afraid . . . ."

I interrupted. "Wait, what? I set off security?" That must be why they had checked my ID so many times.

Joon nodded and explained his mother had set the system to flag my name if I ever came through. Sheesh, she was paranoid. Joon had sent his secretary to follow me to the hotel (aha – the businessman I had run into and then saw again outside the building) and knew I got there safely but then Mom had called him when she couldn't get through to me for several hours.

I sighed and thought some choice words about Mom. To Joon I said, "I'm fine. I'll call Mom. You can leave now."

He gave a big sigh, like he had really been worried, and turned to look out at the city. He came face to face with himself on the billboard, visibly started, said "Geez!" and put a hand to his heart.

I couldn't resist needling him a bit and said, "Yeah, that's how I felt when I saw it." He glared, but I just brushed past him to retrieve my phone from the room. I typed a text to Mom: "Joon is here. Thanks a lot. I'm fine, just found out my birth mother accessed my file at orphanage so I was distracted and forgot to call. Will call when Joon leaves; hopefully soon."

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for being in Joon's presence, and went back to the balcony. Joon was sitting down as if he intended to stay. I wanted to scream at him, and at the same time I wanted to run into his arms. I refused to do either, though. "I'm fine. You can leave," I suggested helpfully. I continued standing, hoping he'd take the hint.

"Why didn't you call your mom?" he asked.

I leaned back against the balcony rail and folded my arms on my chest. "I don't think you're one to talk about not returning phone calls."

He glared again. "She was worried about you."

I glared right back. "I've been worried about you for three months."

Joon looked away, not willing to meet my eyes. Finally I added, "I'm over it now, so please just leave."

He stood up, and I opened the balcony door. He continued to stand there, unmoving, his face turned away. Eventually he looked at me again. "Be careful. My mother knows you're here and she's capable of anything."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I'm not a threat to her plans anymore. I never was, actually. Why don't you tell her that?"

"Because it's not true." The silence stretched out as we gazed at each other.

My mouth opened and shut silently as I struggled to form words. "What?"

Joon looked away again and said, "Just be careful."

I nodded. It was probably better not to get into it right now. I needed him to leave; I needed to think. "Goodbye," I said. Joon walked through the door, through the hotel room, and reached for the knob to go out into the hall. I touched his arm, hating myself for needing it but asking anyway, "Can you please say goodbye at least?"

He looked at my hand on his sleeve and then met my eyes. He said fiercely, "This isn't goodbye." Then he walked through the door and shut it behind him.

I leaned against the door and sank down, sitting against it. "You're an idiot, Joon," I thought. "This is definitely goodbye." There was no way we could fight against his mother, not when she had all the money and power of Shinwha Corporation backing her up.

I sat there a minute, collecting my thoughts. I had tried to be distant and aloof with Joon, but inside I was dying. I had finally ended it, finally convinced myself it was over, but talking to him again made my stomach churn.

After awhile I called home. "Mom! Why did you call Joon of all people?" I asked.

"Who else was I supposed to call?" she retorted. "You're on the other side of the world, I can't get hold of you, you were supposed to call, and I only know the number of one person in the entire country. So what if he's your ex-boyfriend? Who else should I have called?"

I groaned. "Anyone else, Mom. Call the police, call Lauren for Jai's number, I don't care who you call, but _not_ Joon!"

She was completely unrepentant. "Whatever. Jandi, I'm headed to Korea on the next flight. I don't think you should be alone after breaking up with Joon and now your birth mother checking the file. Dad's already bought the ticket."

I sighed and thought about arguing, but if they'd already bought the ticket it was too late. "Ok, Mom, let me know when you'll be here."

We hung up, and I sat on the floor, my head in my hands. What a day. All of a sudden fatigue hit me like a wave. I stood up, walked to the bed, laid down fully clothed, and went straight to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

I started climbing out of a deep sleep because someone was holding a hand across my mouth. In my fogginess, I thought Joon had broken into my hotel room again and was fooling around, teasing me. I squirmed and tried to brush his hand away, but the hand clamped down even harder. I had the half-formed thought, "Joon wouldn't do that," and then I was completely awake, my eyes wide open. The hotel room was still black, but someone was there, holding a cloth over my nose and mouth. I struggled and fought, lashing out with my arms and biting down hard on the hand over my mouth. More people appeared in the dark and held me down. Someone held my chin so I couldn't bite, and then they put the cloth back over my nose and mouth. I twisted and squirmed and tried to get my chin free, but there were too many of them. I slipped back down into unconsciousness.

I began waking up to the sound of male voices speaking Korean. In my sleepy, drugged state I thought I was in the KP4 room at Highland, and the KP4 guys were there talking in Korean as I slept. As I woke up further I realized I was sitting in a chair with my arms bound behind me and my legs tied together. Then I remembered the cloth over my mouth. Wide awake, I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in a big empty warehouse space. Three Korean men stood guard, talking to each other. One of them noticed I was awake and started speaking to me in Korean.

He looked at me for a response, and I stammered, "Aniyo Hangul," which literally meant "No Korean" but I was hoping they'd understand that I didn't speak Korean. I didn't know how to say it properly. The guy just looked at me, puzzled, and then turned back to the others.

I was glad; I didn't really want their attention. As they talked I tested the ties on my wrists and my feet. Step one when you're kidnapped, according to every movie I'd ever seen. Amazingly, the rope around my wrists had a little give, so I tried to rub my hands back and forth to loosen it.

I rubbed and rubbed for what seemed like forever, my shoulders aching from the discomfort of it. My kidnappers had stopped talking and seemed to be waiting for something. I wondered what it was, and what would happen to me when this scheme was finished. Was Joon's mother behind this whole thing and if so what was she hoping to accomplish? This seemed like a drastic step to take just to get me out of Joon's life. Especially when I was already out, but now I wondered if she knew that.

Finally, as a dull light started to penetrate the high windows of the warehouse, the knot of the rope fell into my palm. I started picking at the loops with my fingernails as best I could. If only I could see it! Finally I found a loose loop and started digging it out.

Just then Joon strode into the warehouse with a big leather bag. My jaw dropped. What was he doing here? He gave me a "Don't worry" nod and started speaking Korean to my kidnappers. I really, really wished I could understand what he was saying.

While he spoke, I dug into the knot with renewed purpose and managed to get it undone. As the rope slid off my wrists I caught it in my hand so hopefully no one would notice. I wondered if my kidnappers spoke English at all. Could I tell Joon my hands were free without them understanding me? As Joon opened up the bag to show the Korean won inside I decided not to chance it. He was a good fighter; he could improvise.

One of the men came toward me. It was now or never. As he reached me and bent over to do something with the ties, I wrapped the rope around his neck and slammed his head into the wooden chair. Joon yelled, "Jandi, NO!" as the man crumpled to the floor. I leaned over to undo the ties on my feet while still watching the other two guys and Joon. One of the other guys had pulled a big knife out of his jacket; Joon threw the bag into him, knocking the knife out of his hand and across the floor. That guy went chasing after his knife while Joon made short work of knocking the remaining man unconscious. My fingers kept slipping on the knots, but finally, as Joon ran over to me, I got them free and stood up.

Joon grabbed my hand, said "Run!" and we started running toward the door. I looked back to see that the third man had retrieved his knife and was running after us. I ran as fast as I ever have, and yet it seemed like we weren't moving at all. As we reached the door I glanced back again. The man had pulled his hand back to throw the knife at Joon's back.

With a scream I lowered my shoulder into Joon's arm, shoving him to the side as hard as I could. I felt a blinding hot pain rip through my lower back and my legs crumpled beneath me. I fell forward, hitting my head on the wall despite Joon's attempts to catch me. As black dots started crowding my vision I heard Joon saying "Stupid. Stupid girl. Why did you do that?" Quickly everything went black and I lost consciousness yet again.

The next time I opened my eyes Mom's face floated above me, saying "Jandi? Are you ok?" I looked at her in confusion; I couldn't remember where I was but it seemed odd that she was there, somehow. As I woke up further the pain hit. The inside of my throat felt like trucks had been using it for a highway. My back was on fire. Everything felt foggy and unreal. I started twisting in the bed, trying to find a more comfortable position for my back, but every movement hurt.

Mom grabbed my hand. "Jandi, don't move, baby. They had to do surgery. You've got to stay still right now." Surgery? What on earth was she talking about? I heard someone say something in heavily accented English about pain medication, and then the fog descended again and I slept.

The next time I woke I was looking out the window at a bright sunshine-filled day in a large city. I was confused; where was I? This didn't look like Tulsa. A tall Asian guy with curly hair was sleeping in a chair next to the window. It wasn't Sam. Who was that guy? He was handsome and dressed in an expensive suit, like he'd come straight from an office or something. I rolled my head to the other side. Mom sat in a chair next to me, doing something with her phone. I watched her a minute, trying to piece together where I was.

Unable to figure it out, I tried to say, "Mom," but my voice came out croaky and my throat hurt. Mom looked up, though, and leaned in, exclaiming "Jandi!" She knelt by the bed and started stroking my hair.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

It was hard to talk, but I managed to say, "Terrible." I was sore all over, and my back hurt. My mouth felt completely dry.

Mom had already punched the nurse button for assistance. In the meantime, the Asian guy on my other side had woken up and grabbed my other hand. "Jandi, how could you have been so stupid? I had it all under control and you had to attack that guy! What were you thinking?"

I looked at him in complete confusion. What in the world was he talking about? He put my hand to his lips to kiss it. I tried to pull my hand away, but I was too weak. He just held onto it even tighter and said, "No. I told you it wasn't goodbye. I'm not letting go now."

I looked at Mom again; she didn't seem to think it was strange that this guy was kissing my hand. I looked at his face intently, trying to place him. Did I know him? Apparently he knew me, and pretty well.

He caught my gaze and said, "What?"

It hurt to talk, but I had to know. I croaked out, "Who are you?"


	10. Chapter 10

Whoever he was, he did not expect that question. His mouth sagged open and he looked at me with disbelief. I turned to Mom; she had the same look of shock on her face. The nurse came in and Mom blurted out, "She doesn't remember her boyfriend!"

My brain felt like it was moving in slow motion. I turned to the guy again. The look of shock on his face had been replaced by sadness. Boyfriend? No way was this suit-wearing stranger my boyfriend. I thought about it some more. I didn't have a boyfriend; I'd never even been asked out. What on earth was going on?

The nurse was speaking in a foreign language, and the stranger was translating into English. She was saying they would get a neurology consult to make sure I didn't have brain damage. I groggily thought they needed to check this weirdo for brain damage, not me. I had only been awake a short time, but I was completely exhausted. I fell asleep again as the cacophony of voices rose and fell around me.

I woke and slept several times after that, and gradually I began staying awake longer and feeling less groggy. The scan turned out fine; the neurologist did his examination and decided I had selective amnesia. I could remember Mom and Dad and Sam; I couldn't remember coming to South Korea or my injury or anything about this guy named Joon who was practically living in my hospital room. Gradually I pieced together that I had come to South Korea to visit Joon. Somehow I had ended up with a knife in my back. No one would give me much information on how that had happened. There were complications during the surgery to stitch up my back, which meant I would be in the hospital for quite awhile.

Joon went to work in the mornings and then came to the hospital at noon and stayed until late evening. Mom usually went out for a bit in the afternoons while he was there; she seemed to really love him. As I started to feel better I grew more curious about this so-called boyfriend, so one afternoon I asked, "How old are you? Why am I dating a guy with a job instead of a college student?"

He smiled, kind of embarrassed, and said, "Twenty-two. I was a college student until recently; my dad died and I had to take over his company."

Chagrined, I said, "I'm sorry about your dad." He nodded in acknowledgement. I felt bad; I didn't want to intrude on his grief, but I was still confused. What 22-year-old can just take over the family business? "What did your dad do?"

Joon rubbed his hands together nervously, avoiding my eyes. "He was the head of Shinwha Corporation."

That rang a bell. Shinwha – where did I know that name? Then I gasped as it came to me. "Like THE Shinwha? Electronics? Resorts? _That_ Shinwha?"

Joon nodded, trying to gauge my reaction.

I was stunned. I was dating the head of the Shinwha Corporation? And he was gorgeous, too? How on earth had that happened?

I stammered, "I don't mean to be rude, but have you looked in a mirror?"

Taken aback, Joon said, "What?"

"I mean, look at you. With that face and the Shinwha Corporation, you should be dating a supermodel or a famous actress or something. Why are you with me?"

Joon grinned widely. "You think I'm good-looking?"

Puzzled, I said, "Who wouldn't? I mean _dang_." I shook my head in appreciation.

He grinned even bigger, enjoying the compliment, and said, "I guess amnesia has its perks. You never would have said that before."

"Normally I wouldn't. But every day you walk in here and I think you must be in the wrong room, because look at me." I pointed to my very average-looking face. "I don't belong with you. Why are you dating me?"

Joon smiled and tilted his head to the side, studying my face. "Because you're Jandi James."

I sighed. That made no sense whatsoever, but he acted like it was the only answer I should need.

The days fell into a rhythm of sorts with nurses in and out and doctors rounding. I got to know Joon a little, but I still couldn't remember anything about him. One day he came and dropped something into my hand. I opened my fingers to see an anklet with a shark tooth strung onto it. It gave me the strangest feeling, like déjà vu mixed with happiness and maybe a hint of irritation.

Joon was watching me closely. "Do you remember?"

I shook my head. "It seems familiar somehow, but I can't place it. What is it?"

Joon smiled and said, "I gave you one just like that. Can I tell you a story?" I nodded, and he told me how he had surprised me with a trip to Mexico early in our relationship, not even giving me enough warning to pack a bag. He did this imitation of how dazed and confused I looked when he brought me onto his private jet, and I laughed so hard I started to cry. Then he started laughing and couldn't even continue with the story. Eventually we settled down, gasping for breath.

Joon seemed nice enough, but I had been wondering what I saw in him. Now I understood. He was funny and sweet and generous. Why had I forgotten him?

After the anklet he started bringing in little gifts to jog my memory. One day he brought an action movie. He said we had watched it together before, but I couldn't remember so we watched it again. Another day he brought a quilt Mom had made him for Christmas. He wrapped it around my shoulders, and I knew without a doubt it had been there before, but I still couldn't quite remember.

My favorite was the day he brought a gourmet lobster dinner for me, along with his butler to serve it. The butler smiled and greeted me like we were old friends. Joon tried to tell me his name, but the butler interrupted and said, "Just call me Alfred." I laughed and agreed. As we ate our lobster Alfred surreptitiously pulled a picture out of his pocket and slid it onto my lap. I leaned back to peek at it and saw a baby boy dressed in a hanbok seated behind a cake and lots of fruit. I held it up to Joon. "Is this you?"

Joon glared at Alfred and started scolding him in Korean; clearly this part had not been part of his plan. Alfred gave him an innocent smile and said in English, "Maybe she'll remember." Joon sighed and then nodded reluctantly in answer to my question.

I examined the picture, cooing over Joon's little baby cheeks and his adorable little hanbok. "Look at you! You're so cute!"

Joon just rolled his eyes.

Walking was a big part of my recuperation; the doctors wanted me walking as much as possible. Joon would usually escort me, and I could make pretty good time holding on to him on one side and my IV pole on the other. He treated me like I was made out of glass, and even though it was sweet in a way, it was also annoying. I really wondered what had brought us together. He seemed so completely out of my league I couldn't imagine how we had begun dating. I kept asking him questions, but he was pretty evasive and just said I'd remember eventually.

One day on our walk, we sat down at our usual halfway point and Joon pulled my phone out. I hadn't seen it since before the hospital, so I was surprised. "Where'd you get that?"

"Your mom gave it to me," he said. He pulled up my photos and clicked on a picture of himself in Wal-mart, and handed it to me. "Do you remember that?"

I looked closely. He was dressed in a formal suit, standing in Wal-mart, glaring at me with little girls' clothes in the background. I met Joon's eyes; he was watching me closely. "I don't remember taking this picture, but it makes me want to smile."

Joon sighed. He flipped through some more pictures. There we were smiling together, even at my house in Tulsa.

He kept flipping through, but the last two pictures were kind of different. I was standing next to a picture of Joon on an ad marquee, making faces while I poked his eyes in one and hit the side of his face in the other. Joon let out an indignant "Yah!" when he saw them. I ignored him, too absorbed in the look on my face in the pictures. It wasn't the face of a girlfriend joking and having fun with her boyfriend's face on a marquee. I seemed lost and sad, somehow, like I was desperately keeping my spirits up by having some fun at Joon's expense.

I turned to the real-life Joon at my side. "You've never seen these?"

He shook his head.

"Did we break up or have a fight or something? Because look at my face compared to the others." I flipped back to the ones where we were together, then forward again. "I look sad."

Joon looked at his hands in his lap. Finally he said, "We had a misunderstanding."

"Is that your nice guy word for a fight?"

He sighed. "We fought all the time. We liked to fight. But this wasn't a fight," and he pointed to the picture. "This was a misunderstanding."

I was so confused. "What was the misunderstanding about?"

He looked away and then back down to his lap, his hands fidgeting. "It's a long story."

"And one you're not going to tell me." I stated it as a fact, not a question, and he didn't respond. I was so tired of asking questions and not getting any answers. "Let me ask you this. What if I never remember? I'm getting better and eventually Mom and I will head back to the States. Are you just going to let me go?"

Joon looked at me seriously. "You'll remember. I'll make sure you remember." He sighed and stood up. "Let's walk." He took my arm and we walked back to my room.

Sure enough, within a few days the doctor was talking about releasing me from the hospital. He didn't want me to fly yet, but we could move to a hotel until I was well enough to endure the flight home.

The evening before my release Joon appeared with the most gigantic bouquet of flowers I had ever seen.

I smiled, remembering the lobster dinner. "You never do anything by halves, do you?"

Joon's face lit up. "Did you remember?"

Confused, I said, "What?"

His face fell. "You said that to me once before. I thought maybe you remembered."

"I did?" I searched my memory. No, it wasn't triggering anything. "Why did I say it? Maybe I'll remember if you tell me."

He shook his head. "I have another idea. Do you feel well enough for a walk?"

I nodded, and he helped me up. He grabbed my coat and held it out for me as I put it on and then insisted I button up the front. My IV had already been disconnected, and this was my first walk without it since I'd been admitted. It was nice to just walk along, my arm through Joon's, and pretend I wasn't a patient for awhile.

Joon led me to the elevator and we got off on the top floor. He pushed the door open to the roof; we had been up here several times during our walks so I knew there was a little garden up here and a nice view of the city.

This time, though, Joon opened the door and I was startled to see a swing set exactly like the one at my house in Oklahoma. I stopped and said, "Is that my swing set from home?"

Joon gave my arm a little tug to get me walking again and said, "No, it's one just like it."

I stopped again. "You somehow brought this swing set to Korea and set it up on the roof of this hospital?"

He pulled me forward again and said, "Yeah," like it was no big deal.

"Why?"

He sat me down in one of the swings and then he sat down in the other one. "I thought it might help your memory."

I watched him gently swinging and it seemed like I had been here before, with him. "Have we sat like this before?

He smiled. "Yes. Do you remember?"

I thought a minute. "Almost, I think. It's like when you're trying to think of a word that's right on the tip of your tongue, but you can't quite think of it."

He got out of the swing and knelt down in front of me. "Can I try something, just for the sake of jogging your memory?"

"Try what?" I asked, and before I could even finish the question he cradled my face in his hands and kissed me. I squirmed and tried to pull back, but he had my face in his hands and he wasn't letting go. I decided maybe it was worth a try, so I closed my eyes and leaned in.

Memories washed over me. I remembered our first kiss on this swing set, when he held my hands instead of my face. I remembered how we met and that fateful kick to the head. I remembered the mini Christmas tree and our last evening together. I remembered his disappearance, the months of depression, and most importantly, that he had no business kissing me right now.

A few tears escaped down my cheeks as I pulled his hands off and leaned back. "Why did you make me remember? Now I have to forget again."

He wiped a tear off my cheek with his thumb. "No, you don't. Jandi James vanquished the wicked witch."

With tears still running down my cheeks, I said, "What are you talking about?"

He smiled earnestly. "I didn't think my mother had a heart at all. She hired those kidnappers, you know. Then they double crossed her and sent me a ransom note. That's why I showed up – I was just going to pay it and get you out of there. Mother's actually grateful to you. You pushed me out of the way and got stabbed yourself by the kidnappers _she_ hired. She's on our side now."

I was so confused. "She hired those guys? But why? You left me. We were done."

Joon sighed. "Her spies caught us on the balcony of the hotel together. Besides, I never left you. I was trying to find a way. She was monitoring everything I did, because I told her I was going to marry you."

I was completely shocked, but he just grabbed my hand and led me to the edge of the roof. I numbly walked along. Wait – marriage? I thought he was breaking up, and he was plotting to marry me?

He pulled a box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a set of couple rings inside. A cool breeze blew on my face, and all of a sudden my mind cleared. Joon took the little ring out and started to put it on my finger, but I pulled my hand away.

"You put me through hell the last three months and now you want to pretend everything's great and we're going to get _married_?"

His mouth gaped open. "I put _you_ through hell? Who was so eager to say goodbye? You give me one week and then it's goodbye, so long? And what about all this amnesia business? You think this has been easy for me?"

"What was I supposed to think? I smuggled a letter to you; you couldn't figure out a way to get a message to me?"

"I told you I loved you! You thought I changed my mind in one week? Why couldn't you wait for me?"

"You completely ignored me that day at Shinwha! You acted like you didn't even know who I was!"

"I had to! My mother would have found out about it otherwise, and I was scared to death seeing you there. Do you know how worried I was?"

He glared at me, that unique Joon glare, and all those days of missing him came back to me in a flood. I had missed these arguments and that glare. I was weak and tired from all the time in the hospital, though, and I started to sob. I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around him, and said through tears, "I missed you so much."

He must have been startled, because he didn't move for a second. Then he hugged me back, stroking my hair. I cried out all the unhappiness I'd managed to forget, there with the one whose absence caused it. When the crying finally subsided into sniffles, Joon stepped back and looked into my face. "So . . . about those rings?"

I wiped my eyes. "Are these engagement rings or couple rings?"

Joon smiled. "Couple rings. When I ask you to marry me, you'll know it."

I rolled my eyes and stuck my hand out. "Give it to me." He still had the little ring in his hand, and warily he started sliding it on. Putting my hand over his, I stopped him before he could slide it all the way on. "I have some conditions."

He raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"No more disappearing. If you want to break up, you do it properly and say goodbye."

Joon's lips compressed into a thin line, but he nodded.

He gave me the other ring to put on his finger. I started to slide it on, but he put his hand over mine and said, "I have conditions, too."

"What?"

He stepped closer, his face an inch from mine. "No breaking up, no saying goodbye. Ever."

I stepped back. "But . . . I have to finish school." My voice trailed off lamely.

"So?" Joon glared. "Finish school. But do it with my ring on your finger." He grabbed my hand and held it up for me to see the ring on it. "And we're getting married when you're done."

There was the M word again. "Joon . . . ." I didn't know how to say it, but marriage was such a big, scary prospect.

He grabbed my hands and looked at me earnestly. "You're always making excuses, Jandi. We don't fit; we don't belong together. I should find a supermodel or something." He sighed and looked out across the city before returning his eyes to mine. "But I think you're scared and it's not _me_ you're scared of. You had your life all planned out, a social worker with 2.5 kids living somewhere in suburban America. You didn't picture Shinwha Corporation and Korea and all that."

I thought about it. Yes, the thought of living in Korea scared me to death, and trying to be some kind of society wife was even scarier.

Joon just kept talking. "But I'll help you. You're Jandi James, you don't back down from a challenge, right? Can you just try?"

I looked at our hands clasped together and remembered all those long, sad months without Joon. I shook my head and said, "Your mom, and Shinwha, and Korea – it all scares me." I reached up and put my hands on his cheeks. "But losing you is scarier than anything else I can think of. So I'll try my best." I pulled his face to mine, enjoying the shocked look in his eyes as he realized my intentions. Then I kissed him, pouring out all the loneliness and longing of the last few months. His arms wrapped around me, and finally, I was home.


	11. Epilogue

I opened the car door and reached for Jandi's hand to help her out. Together we stood shivering in the cold December air, facing the onslaught of blinding flashes from the paparazzi. I forced myself to smile at the crowd, but all I really wanted to do was admire Jandi in that dress she was wearing. I still remembered the first time I saw her, across the lawns at Highland, dressed in a simple T-shirt and jeans, with a ponytail on the top of her head. It was all I could do not to stop and stare then. I knew she wasn't beautiful according to the standard template, but there was just something about her. Still, if Lauren hadn't dropped her ice cream on my shoe later that day I never would have pursued her or thought about her again. I told her recently I'd never been the same since she kicked me in the head.

We had posed long enough; I looked at Jandi and tugged her hand a bit to suggest moving on. She gave me a smile of relief and we walked into the hotel. It was still a wonder to me that she was here beside me, in Korea, with mother's approval and the company's blessing. Soon after Jandi was injured mother had launched a publicity campaign about the plucky Korean American adoptee that had "saved" me from a knife attack. (More like idiotically threw herself in front of the knife. I would have preferred the knife in my back to seeing it in hers. Ugh. I still couldn't think about it.) At any rate, we now had everyone's blessing to marry, assuming she would say yes if I asked her.

We walked into the hotel and found the room where Jai and Hera's wedding would take place. Lauren and YooJin were already there, so we exchanged greetings and found a place to sit. The ceremony was in Korean, so I bent down and quietly translated for Jandi as it started. She was now double majoring in Korean language and social work, but with only one semester of Korean so far she still needed a translator.

I took her hand and watched her face out of the corner of my eyes as I translated the vows: "love and respect . . . every day, forever." I remembered her face when I mentioned marriage on the hospital rooftop; she blanched like I had asked her to fly to the moon. How did I manage to find the one girl in the world who didn't _want_ to be rich? This long distance thing was killing me. I had stepped down as CEO and transferred to the American branch of Shinwha Corporation to be closer to Highland, but we were still apart more than we were together.

Finally the wedding was over and we all applauded. Jandi turned to me with a huge smile. "What are you so happy about?" I asked.

"They're just so perfect together. And they seem so happy." She wrapped her arm through mine as we stood to go.

"Like us?" I prodded her with my elbow.

She laughed. "Yeah, like us."

I grinned. Maybe she was getting used to the marriage idea.

We moved along with the crowd to the room where the food was set up. The wedding was more than just a wedding: all the high-ranking Shinwha employees had been invited, as well as government officials crucial to our business. I led Jandi around, introducing her as I spoke with business associates. I felt bad she couldn't understand the conversation, but I translated where I could. I tried to send her off to sit with Lauren and YooJin, but she insisted on staying with me.

Finally, business taken care of, we went through the line for some food. "Sorry that took so long. Your feet have to be hurting."

She looked up at me with a teasing grin. "I'm fine. Just don't drop your plate, ok?"

Puzzled, I said, "What are you talking about?"

She laughed. "Jai's party. You were so surprised to see me you dropped your plate, remember?"

I smiled. So that's what she thought? I leaned down so only she could hear me, and said, "I dropped my plate because you looked so beautiful I couldn't even breathe."

She gave me that startled look, my favorite "huh, what?" Jandi facial expression. I smiled and nodded. She still looked skeptical, but we were at the front of the line so I nudged her to take a plate and move on. She'd never believe me, but I thought she was more beautiful than any supermodel I'd ever seen.

With full plates, we joined Lauren and YooJin in the crowd. Bin was there, too, his new Korean girlfriend on his arm. It was rare to find time to hang out with KP4 anymore, so I enjoyed catching up with them. Bin was back in Korea working for his father's construction company. YooJin had started a graduate arts degree at Highland. He claimed it was further education, but we all knew he just wanted to be near Lauren.

As I had coached him to do, YooJin said, "Hey, Joon, when are we going back to Mexico?"

I shrugged nonchalantly as if I hadn't thought about it. "I don't know, in May after finals?" I looked at Jandi to see her reaction; she lit up with a big smile. "How about we invite your parents and Sam this time, too?"

Her eyes widened. "Can we?" I nodded. Her parents and Sam should be there to celebrate with us when she said yes to my proposal. I'd get a yes or die trying.

At long last, the evening was over, and Mother, Jandi, and I piled in the limousine to go back to my house. This was Jandi's first trip to Korea since her injury last spring, and I was worried she might have a hard time, but of course she was completely fearless about it. She and Mother were even getting along pretty well. Mother had changed a lot, though, since the kidnapping. She actually acted like a mother now, instead of my jailor and boss.

We reached the house. Mother quickly said goodnight and left us alone. Jandi sat down on the couch and smiled at me before leaning down to take her shoes off. "Want to stay up all night? I'm leaving in the morning and I'll be all jet lagged when I get home anyway." I nodded; she had read my mind. I didn't want to waste a second sleeping. I could do that after she left.

I sat down beside her; she laid her head on my shoulder, twined her fingers through mine, and curled her feet up on the couch. This was exactly how we had sat looking at the mini Christmas tree from her mom.

Staring forward, she said, "Do you remember?"

I smiled. "I was thinking the same thing."

She sighed. "You were so happy that night. What were you thinking about?"

I thought back and remembered the radiant happiness I had felt. "I was thinking . . . this must be what it's like to have a mother that loves you."

She squeezed my arm and sat silently a minute. Finally I said, "What were you thinking about that night?"

She smiled. "I was memorizing how your hand felt in mine," she flexed her fingers and then squeezed my hand, "and how your shoulder felt beneath my head," she lightly shook her head as it lay on my shoulder. "I knew you'd be gone too soon, but I didn't realize how quick it would actually be."

"What?" Frustrated, I gently bumped her head with my shoulder. "Even then you were already giving up on me?"

She raised her head and smiled. "I was being realistic."

I snorted, still frustrated, and said sarcastically, "Realistic."

She smiled again, laid her head back on my shoulder, and wrapped her other arm around my middle. In a sleepy voice, she said, "I'm glad I was wrong."

Her eyes were closed and I thought she might be falling asleep, but then she said, "I'm awake. Tell me what's going on with your new TV at Shinwha." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and told her the whole story of the complex negotiations between the design team and the engineering team, watching her face as she slipped off to sleep. I smiled. This is how you stay up all night with me?

I would act put out by it in the morning, but I didn't really care. I just wanted to be next to her, even if she was sleeping. We probably wouldn't see each other again for awhile, and even then it would just be a weekend here and there until summer. I kissed the top of her head as she slept. I missed her like crazy when she was at school. How would I make it through another year and a half until her graduation?

I wanted her to fulfill her dreams, though. My life had been pre-programmed from the time I was born. I liked that she could look at the world and make her own decision of what to do with her life. It almost seemed scary, from my point of view, to have so many options. Jandi just took it for granted, though. If anyone could change the world, it was the girl asleep in my arms right now.

I was getting sleepy, too. I scrunched down in the couch cushions, trying not to jostle Jandi, and laid my head on the back of the couch. I'd just close my eyes for a minute.

Sometime later, I awoke to a punch in the shoulder. "Why'd you let me fall asleep? We were going to stay up."

I opened my eyes and rubbed my shoulder. I loved seeing her face first thing in the morning. I wanted to act mad, but I couldn't even pull it off. I grinned at her like an idiot and said, "How is it my fault you fell asleep?" Before she could respond I grabbed her in a hug, pulling her in front of me, and planted a kiss firmly on her lips. "Good morning, by the way."

She smiled that teasing grin and put a hand on my jaw. "Good morning." She sighed and said, "I have a plane to catch. My rich boyfriend's jet can't cross the Pacific so I have to fly commercial like a commoner or something."

I pulled her close and held on tight. "Don't go then. Just stay here."

I breathed in the scent of her hair as she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me back. "I wish I could," she said, and tried to get up, but I wasn't ready to let go yet and kept holding her tightly. A few moments later she tried to move again; I squeezed her tighter and held her in place.

Another minute later she jumped with surprise and said, "Hello, Mrs. Shinwha." Startled, I released her and whirled around, only to find my mother wasn't there at all. Jandi had already escaped to the other side of the room and gave me a teasing smile. "I have to get packed!"

"Liar!" I called after her as she left. I walked to my room and began to get ready for the drive to the airport. I hated this part – all the long slow minutes leading up to goodbye. Someday she'd be mine, and I would never let her leave me again.

As I drove home from the airport I mulled over the next few months. The proposal had to be spectacular. I couldn't start doing things by halves now. Would she say yes? Most of the time I was pretty confident about her answer, but when I remembered her face the first time I mentioned it I kind of wondered.

Winter and spring dragged along. Jandi and I spoke and texted every day, but missing her was a constant ache. Finally the semester ended and we were on the jet flying to Mexico. Sam had never been on my jet before, so he was full of questions about it, and I enjoyed telling him the specs and showing him all the features.

When we arrived at the hotel and went into our rooms I headed straight out onto the balcony. The first time I had seen her staring at the ocean was when the thought first entered my head: "I have to marry this girl." This time, she was there waiting for me already, one balcony over. She wasn't looking at the ocean at all; she was looking at my door waiting for me to come out.

I smiled. "Miss me already?"

She laughed and nodded. "Yes." Then she turned around and drank in the sight of the ocean. I just watched her, loving that look on her face and wondering if watching her would ever get old. She took a deep breath of the salty air and turned back to me.

"You're taking me back to our island at some point, right?"

I smiled – little did she know. "Yeah, I thought we could eat there tomorrow evening."

She clapped her hands together and grinned. "Can't wait."

The next evening found us chugging toward the island on one of the resort's boats. She was dressed in the same dress she'd worn last time, one I had picked out, although she didn't know it.

We reached the dropoff point and they lowered the ramp into the shallow water. I bent over to take off my shoes and held them in my hands as I waded in. I turned around to grab Jandi's hand and she was just standing there, above the water line, shoes still on. I held my hand out, assuming she needed something to hold onto while she took her shoes off, but she just shook her head at me.

"I want a piggyback. You realize we managed to get to the couple ring stage without you giving me a piggyback? Isn't that against Korean law or something?" She gave me that sassy smile.

I grinned – don't threaten me with a good time. Still, as I handed my shoes to her I said, "You watch too many K-dramas."

She took my shoes; I turned around and leaned down a bit and she hopped onto my back. "No doubt. I have a good excuse, though; I'm learning Korean."

I waded through the shallow water to the shore, wanting to make the moment last. "You're not using subtitles?"

She laughed, and the sound of it right in my ear was intoxicating. "Of course I am! I'd never know what was going on otherwise."

I laughed along with her and bent down so she could stand in the dry sand. I took her hand and started to walk, but she pulled back and handed me my shoes. I took them, and she promptly lifted her foot and took one shoe off, then the other.

" _Now_ you're taking your shoes off?" I asked testily.

"I don't like sand in my shoes." She grinned at me again, just daring me to say anything, and pulled me forward along the beach, walking backwards in front of me. She was always a surprise. I thought I'd had this evening all planned out, but as usual she was completely in charge.

We rounded the bend, and there was the table and Tae Woong ready to serve dinner. Jandi yelled "Alfred!" and ran over to give him a hug. I shook my head and kept walking. Mother would have killed me if I'd ever acted like that with the servants, but Jandi befriended everyone she met.

We had a delicious dinner by the ocean. Tae Woong served and then quietly disappeared after dessert. The sunset was magnificent that night, and Jandi asked me how I had arranged for it.

As the sun dipped below the horizon we were surrounded by darkness. Jandi grabbed my hand across the table and said, "Um, do you have a light or something? It's pretty dark."

I grinned and reached into my pocket for my remote control. I pushed the button and all the trees on the island lit up with white Christmas lights. Jandi gasped, her mouth open. Definitely worth all the special permits and the weeks of labor that had gone into making this happen.

I got up, knelt down at her side, pulled out the blue Tiffany box with the ring, and asked quietly, "Jandi James, will you marry me?"

She was still gaping at the lights, her hands on her cheeks. "It's so beautiful!"

I hung my head, frustrated. "Ok, but can you answer the question?"

She tilted her head and looked down at me quizzically. "You don't know the answer?"

Seriously, this girl. "How would I know the answer? Last time I mentioned marriage you went white as a sheet and almost broke up with me!"

"I was like 3 minutes cured of amnesia at the time! Plus I was recovering from a knife in my back." She rubbed the scar on her back and glared at me.

I gestured helplessly. "I know! But still, you didn't exactly like the idea. I'm hoping you like it now but I really don't know unless you tell me."

She grabbed my chin and looked at me like I was a doddering old uncle with dementia. She leaned close to my face and said, "Yes."

I had never felt so relieved and grateful in all my life. "Yes? You mean it?"

She smiled and it took my breath away. "Yes. Today – yes. Tomorrow – yes. Forever – yes."

Relieved, I leaned in for a kiss but she wiggled the fingers of her left hand in front of my face before I could get there. She said, "You forgot something."

I laughed and reached down to take the ring out of the box. I carefully slid it on her finger, just waiting for her to stop me with conditions or something, but she just quietly admired the ring on her finger and then flashed me a brilliant smile.

I remembered the other gift I had prepared and stood up to dig the paper out of my pocket.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"One more thing." I unfolded the paper, smoothing the creases with my hand, and grabbed her hand to pull her up and in front of me so we could look at the paper together.

"What's this?" She looked at it a minute and then said, "Is this Spanish? I can't read Spanish. What is this?"

I pointed to the one line of English on the entire paper and she read it aloud. "Jandi Island? What does that mean?"

"It means this island is now called Jandi Island, and it belongs to you."

Her jaw dropped and she whirled around to face me. "You bought me an island?"

I grinned at the disbelief on her face. "Well, technically I already owned it and just transferred it to your name."

"Why?"

"Because you're taking on so much by marrying me. I wanted a place we could come and just be us, you and me, where Shinwha doesn't exist and doesn't matter."

She smiled and grabbed my hand. "Good answer." She pulled me over to a fallen log, stepped onto it so that she was up on my level, looped her hands around my neck, and said, "You really didn't know I'd say yes?"

"You're making fun of me right now?" I leaned my forehead against hers.

She laughed and replied, "You're an idiot, Joon Shinwha."

I smiled, gazing at her face inches from mine, lit only by the twinkle lights. I would love and protect this girl for as long as I lived. "As long as I'm the idiot you're going to marry." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her towards me for a kiss.


End file.
